Wholehearted love – my conversation on the Unbreakable podcast

Late last year I was thrilled to be asked to share my story on Nicole Mathieson’s Unbreakable podcast.

Nicole is a kinesiologist and confidence coach who guides her clients back to their heart so they can build a life of deep fulfilment and contentment.

We delved into how I got where I am today, from that first inkling that something wasn’t right to the upheaval and exploration that led me here.
You can listen to our chat here.

My love letter to Fear


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Fear we are often told is something that we need to get the better of, we need to conquer and be in charge of and sometimes this might be true. Liz Gilbert has a wonderful conversation with fear here. But what if occasionally when we feel fear taking hold we sat down and had a chat and listened to this very primal instinct. What might we say to make it listen and quiet down?

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Don’t Panic about turning 40 – 6 ways to keep your 40th birthday in perspective

Turning 40 imageOn August the 5th in a few weeks time I will have been here on planet Earth for 40 years.

Turning 40 for most women is a big crazy cue to have a complete breakdown and start questioning their lives and everything they have ever done. I’ve seen it many times which is why as I approach my own 40th I’m keeping things in perspective.

I’m treating it as a pretty amazing privilege that not all people get to experience, and I am choosing my language very carefully. and not 40. I have simply been here for 40 years. The ageing process of our bodies is not exclusively tied to the years you spend spinning around the sun, its just one factor.

Here’s 6 things that I am being mindful of as I approach my birthday to keep the crazy at bay.

 

1. Gratitude

Seriously when did we get all hung up about being past it and not express gratitude and amazement at the fact that we get to live a big long gloriously full life? Start a gratitude diary or before you go to sleep each night cast your mind over 3 things that your grateful for.

2. Don’t compare

Your unique life journey and your unique set of skills and experiences aren’t going to look like anyone else’s. Every book on the shelf of life is a TOTALLY different story. Own this and back the heroine in yours… she’s doing a great job! It has been helpful to remind myself of what I truly value and see how I am cultivating these things in my life. My commitment to Love is no exception.

3. Ignore the popular cultural stereotype we are often sold.

I went looking on pinterest last night and searched turning forty positive. Do you know how many pins I found. One. Thats right, in all of pinterest town there is ONE pin that puts a positive spin on turning 40. So I dug a bit deeper and found this little gem from Sheryl Crow and even she was struggling! Look away from all the memes telling you that its all over and find some inspirational women your age doing great things and keeping it real. They can be famous like Megan Gale and Angelina Jolie, both turning 40 this year or gorgeous women in your circle who are creating their own reality of the aging process.

4. So you didn’t have a baby.

Your worth as a woman and a human isn’t determined on this event. (Despite the social pressure of epic proportions) There will be many reasons that this wasn’t in your life path. There may be a great deal of grief over this for lots of different reasons. I know for myself that even though its been a conscious choice of mine not to have babies there is still a sense of grieving those alternate life possibilities that never eventuated. Let yourself have this process. Your unfolding into a new phase of your life, and its going to be delicious!

5. Check in with your limiting beliefs.

Yes there are different stages and phases in our lives where our priorities change and our bodies work differently. We need to take good care of our health for sure, but be gently and lovingly aware of what you may be telling yourself. Many of these beliefs may not even be yours. This interview with Dr Christine Northrup discusses just this.

I recall a conversation with a girlfriend of mine two years ago discussing the fact that bang on 40th her eyesight went. She proclaimed with such commitment that that is just what happens. Everyone she knew got glasses on their 40th birthday and that was that. With a big sigh she told me to wait and see. Well see I am and instead of checking my eyesight I’m checking in with my beliefs. (I’m not an affiliate of this book and yes its a 20 min video but the gems of wisdom from Dr Northrup are PRICELESS)

 


6. Take the pressure down.

Really.

So for anyone in this age bracket and especially us Aussies… this should really make you laugh. 1 for its oh so cheesy iconic 80’s references and 2 because its truth, sad, tacky, 80’s truth.

All the ‘by now I should haves’… or worse ‘at my age its all over’… enough!

Take. The. Pressure. DOWN.

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Single by choice or circumstance, know that love and connection is always available to us.

The sun the moon and the stars are still ours to orbit with.

The pull of the tides ours to travel on.

Keep your heart wide open your boundaries intact, your love clearly visible of all to see shining through our eyes.

Ours is a different story.

Sing your song with pride.

Love Letter to Love

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My love letter to Love

Love,

I promise you there will be not more dimming my light.

There will no more excuses of changing of minds at the last moment, you have been so patient.

There will be no more settling, no more ‘oh this will do love’ with a little l

There will be no more pretending and facades and hiding your light.

I will love fiercely.

I will love freely.

I will not pretend not to love to so as not to disturb someones comfort.

I will not throw love like a heavy weight designed to anchor and harm.

I will love not with out fear but with it, hand in hand and shine the light for fear to see.

Love, I will let you be boyant and wild and redemptive

Love I understand now that you don’t wait for the right time or the lighting to be correct,

You are the slow steady base line thrumming keeping time, the whistle saying ‘now’ take the leap, and get on with your beautiful life.

With you love there is the strength to find the way.

Love I choose you, with a big L.

I will listen to my heart intelligence, follow the bread crumbs and read the signs.

I will feel my feelings (and it wont always be pretty but they’re mine)

Then comes the whispers in the middle to the night of my gut, my primal intelligence, The Shakti that knowing that says ‘Yes’

Then and only then this beautiful mind of mine, for the logistics, the ‘how’ the how many hammers will I need to build this house?

Do I want a house built on a big L or a little one?

The big L will not be huffed and puffed down, will not tumble when someone chooses to leave or when that deal falls through.

I choose love darling heart.

With every fibre of my being and my choosing has shown me the truth.

That love has been with me all along.

I chose love with a big L.

Whose with me?!

 

x

K  

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Women On Fire

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Its been tough.

Its been amazing .

Life has taken you to your edge more than you ever thought possible, the thoughts dreams hopes and fantasies of your youth got gritty and edgy and dirty and you thought and prayed on more than one occasion “Fuq I hope I get through this.”

Yet on the outside you looked for all the world like a woman coping with amazing adversity with grace poise and determination. The option of collapse just wasn’t on the cards there was too much riding on your success.

And even while people complemented you on your ability to get the job done, at home on your own you doubted your very ability to get up and do it all again the next morning.

You read books on self help Echart Toile and Brené Brown have been your bedtime companions, you bought yourself flowers, walked the dog fed your kids and kept the toilet paper stocked up. And Did. It all. Again. The next day.

You were hungry, you still are hungry, craving a desire for nourishment deep in your bones deep in your very soul that wakes you up every day, eyes on the horizon putting one foot in front of the other.

You gratitude prayer is your mantra, its your daily bread and butter whilst you put together that proposal and dream up the next step of your evolution.

Its been tough but the light is getting brighter, YOUR light is getting brighter.But hell it would be great to not have to do it all on your own.

A tribe, A team that has been there too. Has been there in the dark as you watched all that you knew and love vanish and yet you still drew breath.

You danced you swam, you made some very questionable decisions, repeatedly!

You learnt you experience you picked yourself up and fell down another rabbit hole!

Your not happy with the status quo, the mundane you can deal with but settling isn’t part of your vocabulary. Its not that you want lots of attention and ego stroking, just to give yourself the permission to fucking BE all that you are, permission to speak your truth and live your dharma, the role, the story, the magic that only you dear woman can sing into this world. I hear you!

The peak of your youth is just behind you, but you have never felt more at home in your body, more quietly confident, the fire in you is rising, the magic, the sex the power that is yours and only yours is simmering almost ready, you feel it yes?

 

I’m calling out to you women, high and low, good god I’d love to meet you how I’d love to have you on my team and share my story with you.

 

To sit around this virtual fireside and support each other and journey together that is my wish, is my heartfelt spiritual directive.

 

In ancient times we had a place, a collective and a space to weave and share and dream and birth our stories in this world.  To laugh and be deliciously wicked and wild. Dear one this is such a space. Come sit and play and laugh and heal.

Healing that will set your world on fire.

x

K