Creating a relationship with your trust muscle can be a meandering path. It can be hit and miss, a dance between genuine procrastination, impatience and truly knowing to trust the feeling that says.
“Stop. Wait please”.
Back in this post where I talked about trusting my soul, I talked about this exact funny feeling, this sense of knowing that showed up with a big fat strong NO every time I tried to book a holiday, go on retreat or other wise plan this two week block of time around my birthday.
It had taken me some head wrangling to make sure that I took this time off, and there was a sense that I had to do something. Then I would get a sense that something was going to happen, I even had the temerity to think hmmm perhaps I’m going to move house? But heavens that was a terrifying prospect. How? With whom? Where? TERRIFYING! I had only been in my new house for just over 6 months!
And then, I would try again to work out ‘what I was going to do’ on my holiday and be greeted with that same feeling STOP!
Was this procrastination? Fear? or was I just meant to stop?
Well there’s a novel idea. What if I just trust this feeling and trust the answers will be revealed to me in good time because the universe is after all benevolent? And I mostly have a clue and have been quite good at creating my life. What if?
So about 2 weeks out from my birthday my sister and I came to a decision to book a house in Byron Bay hinterland for three nights luxury lushing out. Phew! Something was booked even if it was only three days . And then.
And then my bestie-wifey suggested not for the first time “come with me and check out my mums house, the tenants are leaving soon”
Now let me preface this by saying that I am an absolute suburb snob. I have been living within walking distance to the ocean for the last 8 years, and by walking I mean often literally on the beach front. This new house was in the suburbs, insert ‘I just sucked a lemon’ face.
It was with an haughty air that I agreed to look at said house, but lets be clear here I am not moving to the suburbs Sarah. And with a great deal of patience Sarah humored me. “Yes Keri”
Another girlfriend of ours had recently moved to house sit around the corner. She was the one I mentioned in the post about trusting my soul who had been to the retreat with Sera Beak that Sarah was now booked in to go to.
When we took this picture here we had taken off on a ‘charmed day’ in Byron, we ate, shopped and when this photo was taken offered up a toast to ‘one day living in a charmed house together’. When this could possible happen was off in the distance one day; Belinda was about to move to San Francisco with her man I was just about to move into my own apartment and Sarah had been living with her boyfriend for ages.
Fast forward 10 months and the three of us are in Elanora looking at a house.
The house that has the ocean view, the necessary rooms for our businesses the multiple bathrooms for privacy the big kitchen for late night tea parties. The house that feels sunny and light and spacious. The house that Ruben gets the run of. Oh and it has pool too. Did I mention that?
The house also that we needed to move into in 10 days time when Sarah was already overseas at Soul Fire Retreat.
The first weekend of my holiday.
Its one thing to post these inspirational memes, but another to truly embody them.
What I need, what I am desiring with all of my heart is looking for me too.
The thing is that I need to bloody well get out of the way. It’s possible we all do!
There is no way I would have looked here for this house there is no way my very clever mind would have taken me away from the beach front to get my ocean view.
I don’t believe that his house is somehow a pixie dust utopia that will save me from the trials and tribulations of living on planet Earth but I do trust that this is exactly where I need to be.
Trust that gut feeling.
Create a relationship with this feeling and it will not lead you astray.
It may well be uncomfortable because you may have to wait for things.
There is a difference between this and procrastination. I very much hope this helps.
I’d love to hear about it.