The Dog Blog!

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Ruben as a pup at the Cliffs of Mohair in County Galway.
(yes I bought him home from 2 years living in Ireland!)

 

In this instalment of the D – Book we’re looking at D for Debt and D for Dog.

In January last year Ruben decided he would take a toddle across four lanes of traffic in the pouring rain. At night.

To this day we are still unsure just how he managed to get out. He’s a pretty clever dog, when I say clever what I really mean is he’s determined. Now even at the time I could see that this was going to be one of these profound learning curves. I just gosh darn wish it hadn’t come quite so close on the back of all the other inspired learning curves. Disaster loves company was one of my less pleasant mantras at this time.

Anyways that night I came home, Sarah aka Wifey and Ruben weren’t home. She often took him with her so that wasn’t unusual, Ruben was often requested for puppy dates so I messaged her to check. “Scuba with you?” (Ruben became ruby, became ruba became scuba… you know how it goes)

Just as the phone goes there is a knock at the door, in the pouring rain, there is man quite animatedly trying to get me to come to the door. Now I’m a pretty easy going gal but I’m not feeling particularly inclined to open that door.

Then I hear him say the word dog.

Then I look down at the phone in my hand “No wifey I don’t have him”

I run out into the rain with nothing but my phone with a strange man who said he’s with another guy who pulled Ruben off the road.

Adrenaline is in full swing pretty quickly.

I stop, pivot back to my front door grab my hand bag.  I assume I must have some how locked the door and continue with the man.

To this day I don’t know his name. I can recall thinking that its a pretty dangerous thing to head off with two unknown men into the night but off I went anyway.

The second guy is pulled up on the side of the highway with Ruben in the passenger seat, he’s called the after hours vet hospital.

I get in. He drives. The other guy vanishes. I wish I had had the wear withal to get his name or something but I didn’t.

Ruben is shaking but responsive, I curl him up in my lap and hold him close to keep him warm from going further into shock.

He shakes. I shake. The guy puts the heater on full even though its January.

I went completely totally numb from head to toe. All I knew was that I needed to call Sarah so she knows where I am  and it took me damn ages to get my fingers to press the right buttons. I had trouble telling her the address of where we were going and I could hear her distress at my distress and the absolute heartbreak that I was terrified of losing the one final thing that would completely undo me.

I also knew that I was going to have to find a fuq load of money, really quickly from out of thin air.

Everyone with a pet who doesn’t have pet insurance stop reading this blog immediately and go and sort some out. Yes I mean actually, right now.

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At Aghadoe Heights in Killarney down the road from where we lived on the Ring of Kerry

The guy drops us off at the Vets and I thank him a million times. The vet nurses take Ruben and shortly Sarah and Dan turn up. I’m a mess Sarah isn’t much better. I truly can’t comprehend just how people with children cope in situations like this. This experience taught me a zillion things. The big one of course was empathy for others going through hard ship. Where you draw your strength from in situations like this is beyond me but you find it. Some how you have to deal with the practical needs of the situation and function. The emotional fall out will be dealt with later.  We’re told they need to observe him. They’ll call me in a few hours and let me know how things are looking. I fill out a what feels like a million pieces of paper. Sarah has to help me remember our address.

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After a long night to make sure he didn’t have internal bleeding, x-rays and all sorts I get a call in the middle of the night to say that he ‘only’ has a broken leg, right up the top of the femur near where the hip joint is. My little love is going to be ok! Decisions have to be made about what sort of surgery to do. How much to they try to do with his leg? Do I want to have a 3 legged dog? Big scary decisions that I didn’t want to make. I just wanted my dog back. In one piece. So I said yes to all of it. Yes to all the surgery the pins the whole kit and caboodle. Cause you know what, the minimum it was going to cost was 5 grand and that was with the ‘simple’ operation to have his leg cut off! Ugh! I’ve tried to type that sentence 4 times it just doesn’t sit well.

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I find the secret in case of emergency  empty credit card that’s in the bottom of the filing cabinet that I had meant to cancel as I never use it and I fill it ALL the way to the top. I feel absolutely sick at the thought of how on Earth (or more accurately when) I am going to pay it off, but you know what, you do what you have to do. I have my love back!

I can’t say I dug deep into some spiritual faith and trusted I honestly can’t. This was a really dark time for me because it felt absolutely like I had been betrayed in the highest order. I felt very much like I was being punished for crimes I didn’t recall committing. I struggled to find meaning behind it all. What was I meant to be learning… seriously lets get this one done so I can get to some good stuff some time soon! In times like this I think its really hard not to take it all personally. Perhaps there isn’t a reason. Perhaps there was no higher order with it all.

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It took Sarah and I 12 weeks of initial rehab with him in a crate as we tag teamed between work and home. Carrying him in and out for the toilet. I worked in the play pen with him to keep him still and quiet and we mopped and mopped and mopped up so much Ruben wee as he became more and more disgruntled about being cooped up!

We took very slow timed walks over the next few months from 5 mins per day per week all the way up to half hour beach walks on the leash.

I lost weight, I lost sleep, I thought my heart would break every time he squealed in pain. But this is us now!

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So my news this week people  is that in just under two years I have finished paying off Rubens credit card!  I am free to plan a holiday, buy appliances and occasionally actually purchase a pair of shoes that aren’t from Kmart! I have to say that I’m pretty damn overwhelmed with the prospect. There is going to be champagne and no doubt some tears! Theres also a bunch of people I really need to thank.

Thank you to Sarah who looked after us, and made tea and mopped tears and more wee than she should ever have to. Thanks to all my Sydney clients for your support I couldn’t have done it without you all. Thanks to my parents for buying me tyres, and to my friends for not tiring of hearing that I couldn’t do something because I was paying off Rubens Credit Card!!

I’m a stronger more resilient more financially competent women and I’ve been taught the true nature of unconditional love every day for last two years.  This is not something I am ever going to forget.

And to Ruben, your unconditional love over the last 5 years has kept me afloat, reminded me who I am, kept me fit and active and every day that I come home to you my belief in magic is reconfirmed. I love you.

x

K

Give me a ‘B’

 

 

Give me a B

Blogcademy Brisbane November 2013 


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So, The Blogcademy, wow it feels like a year ago not a short few weeks. Thats Gala Kat + Shauna above doing their thing sharing their hard won knowledge and inspiration on day one.

Leaving the venue (which was deluxe by the way Bleeding Heart Gallery) I felt like I had been shot out of a spakley super charged cannon and into the future. The future where I was redrafting my bio and about me page, writing for the first time ever my blogging business plan, setting goals and timelines and spending afternoons on photo shoots for future blogs… oh yeah and holding down my day job and creating content… somewhere in there has been some sleep and the occasional meal.

Before you call me out, no, I’m not complaining. Its only now that I stop to write about the experience I can see just how much I have been inspired in the most practical put- it- into- action- straight- away kind of way .

And this of course is the kind of practical magic I love. Give me inspo please, give me sparkles and style but don’t leave me hanging with a big question hanging over the how.. and I wasn’t disappointed here AT ALL

 

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That’d be me… with ears … its just how we roll.

Two whole days in a bloggers paradise. Where do I start?  Firstly I’ll start with how I felt because I felt so damn excited and not just in a ‘what will I learn’ kind of way. That of course was part of it but I felt excited in a way that hinted at a reinvention of myself like I’d been handed a big fat permission slip to be ALL of me, even the bits that I hadn’t quite worked out yet. Like the blogger bit of me, Yes?

People are shocked sometimes to hear that I’m an introvert and I associated quite strongly with that title. In amongst my closest friends I can be quite dramatic! So it was with a degree of nervousness that I turned up on the first day.  One of best things about  the ears.. beside the fact that they’re just amazing is that they instantly break the ice, you can be wild and fun and tap into that part of yourself that just really wants to GO THERE. And go there we did.

 

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My camera phone never left my hand! 

I could write for a month on things that I learnt and relearnt over the course of the two days but heres 2 short lists.

Things that I have been working feverishly on since Blodcademy

1.Writing writing writing!! I have 3 or 4 note books scattered around the apartment filled with hand written articles and inspo.

2.Getting up close and personal with my Bio and being real brave about sharing who I am and what I really really want to offer.

3.Tidiying up the visual noise, stream lining images and colours and design . This is the tricky stuff for me so I’ve had to learn to be kinda patient and ask for help .. its a process people!

 

 Things that have really rocked my world and will rock yours should you go in 2014 (and you should)

  1. Blogging is a business. Show up to work like you would any other job you want to be successful at.
  2. Hone your voice, get clear on your message and the people your speaking to and be unapologetically true to that voice.
  3. Have a Brand Audit – this is your visual voice. Get it clear.
  4. Nourish your muse, read outside your genre and make space regularly and with discipline and she will show up.
  5. Being generous giving value, adding joy and love to your readers life is the best marketing you can do.
  6. Invest in yourself!
  7. Sart before your ready and when you know better do better .

 

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Thanks to the Headmistresses I fell in love with the potential of who I can be, of who I am when I let down the saftety nets and think BIG and risk looking stupid on the off chance that actually I’ll just shine. (or look tired with a cupcake at the end of one epic weekend!)

These three women gave us a way of tapping into our super powers and rethinking that version of ourselves that we know all too well. We were given permission to shine, permission to stand out and have our say, we were given permission to wear sparkley ears through the mall in broad day light. To order sushi and juice and not bat an eye lid.  Just because.

 


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I want to marry all of you and live in a big sparkly pink house with all out pets…. well it would be fun for a week every year no? 

 

x

All photos except the tired cupcake courtesy of the wonderful Janneke Storm! www.jannekestorm.com

Sex + Wealth + Self Esteem

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I have been sitting on this post for a long time. About a year actually. Its taken that long for me to be really sure there was a necessary message here and that I wasn’t coming from a reactive place, because for a long time I was. You see this is a pretty personal post, but one after a lot of deliberation I really want to share.

I woke up one day last year, to find myself in an abusive relationship. There,  I said it. Done.

The tricky thing is that I wasn’t just in one abusive relationship. I was in two. One with the man I was with and one with myself. I’ll let you sit with this for a moment because its an important thing to understand, that one couldn’t happen without the other. This has nothing to do with blame or fault or making things that aren’t ok, ok. Its about knowing what kind of environment things need to grow in.

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Let me give you a bit of a back story to this monumental day in my life, the day I set myself free from a lifetimes belief that bound me to thinking small, dreaming small and keeping myself playing small when in relationships… which is to say, all the time, forever since the beginning of time!

I’m not great at being in a relationship and taking care of myself… out of respect for your boredom and the people involved lets just let that sit as a happy generalisation. (No one got hurt in the making of that generalisation so we’re going to run with it)

But what I learnt that day is that I had been hard wired somehow to believe that within an intimate relationship I needed to play small, keep quiet, and restrict my fabulosity….to get my basic needs met.

Now just sit still for another sec and let that sink in….because it’s bloody ouchy yes?

Yes it is.

How had this happened? Where had this come from?

Well I’m not alone here I know but once again for the respect of all involved lets just say my childhood was a little tricky.

Its was also loving and wonderful, and awkward and dreadful but right now we’re talking about the tricky stuff ok? Stick with me!

One of the things I have retrospectively understood is that children growing up in abusive environments learn to make a whole bunch of stuff that isn’t ok .. ok.  Your a kid, someone else provides a roof over your head and puts food on the table and presents under the xmas tree. All these things and the stuff that isn’t ok are somehow linked in your child mind so you just make it ALL ok…. its the reality.

You learn real quick that to keep quiet, make it all ok and keep the peace is a really important skill and all this is linked to getting some basic needs met, and being loved…. thats also a really basic need BTW!

Gawd that’s heavy right?!!

Now many years later as a grown woman running her own business I’ve been busy working out how to ‘attract wealth’ and ‘manifest abundance’  …. you get the picture. For the first time instead of doing all the usual woo woo, om shanti courses I know and love…. I started taking some more mainstream business courses.

Now to say that I had some resistance to this is a MASSIVE understatement! But where there is resistance there is juice… so off I trotted. It turns out the bunch of people I was to do these courses with knew a thing or two, but still…. there was resistance.

 

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So back to the day of my aha moment.

Here I was noticing all this resistance to working through my stuff. To learning new ways to run my business and attract abundance in all its forms. I was also living in what I now affectionately call Fear Soup.

This unhealthy relationship I was in brought to my attention that I REALLY avoid at all costs ANYTHING (in relationships) that feels uncomfortable and will twist myself into all manner of pretzel shapes to avoid being in that uncomfortable situation. This usually includes playing small, ‘keeping nice’ and experiencing what ever unacceptable behaviour comes my way to keep the peace.

Now as anyone with any experience in ‘woo woo ‘ practices will know, that until you GET the lesson, the universe will keep sending you a bigger and louder version of the lesson you are refusing to see.

So I continued to live in Fear Soup and the incidents of scary totally not ok behaviour escalated and my abusive relationship with myself continued.

Let me be really clear here that by referring to my relationship with myself I am not making anything that isn’t ok ok.

If your reading this and your in an unsafe situation

and there are things happening in your life that your not ok with.

Then they are NOT ok.

Period.

For me in writing this and recognising the internal environment that I had going on lets me step away from the duality of victim and perpetrator. I’m not interested in that model at all. AT ALL. By acknowledging my beliefs and experiences I get to be self empowered and thats a pretty big deal.

 So things finally got to the point where I was so emotionally uncomfortable that I had no where else to go but to feel the discomfort I was in. I remember that I could barely even sit still. I couldn’t meditate,  I couldn’t write. I had numbed out totally in a bid to avoid feeling what was going on for me and what was getting louder and more obviously not ok in my relationship.

Then one day there was no where else to run and the discomfort of not feeling was suddenly more uncomfortable than feeling. So finally I just sat with being very uncomfortable and scared and not knowing….. and I didn’t even have to do it for very long until…. Shazam!

I uncovered that little gem of a belief that says its ok to be treated like crap and to play small as long as someone says they love you and are going to provide for you. This had lived in my brain for all these years kept ‘safe’ by the fact that I was never going to go near it as it was so damn uncomfortable! You starting to see how this all works? How these beliefs protect themselves, yes?

I saw very clearly why I would have been attracted to this particular relationship and that truly the only way for me to uncover this limiting belief was to blow it up nice and large with surround sound so I would see it for what it is.

Money, safety, self worth and the belief that I am enough and worthy of love free of charge with no catch with no need to fix, salvage, or experience abuse are all wrapped up in one rather warped little package….. or I should say WERE wrapped up.

So now this is a pretty damn big deal…. I mean a really big deal, this I think truly was the most freeing moment of my life, no kidding. Whilst its all very fabulous to broadcast ones AHA moments on the interweb for the entire planet to witness I’m not really that much of an extrovert and this is a REALLY sensitive topic. As I said earlier I have sat on this post for a long time and its continued to blink at me, waiting for the time to be right, why? Well I think its because  as women in business heck as women full stop we need to be having more open conversations like this. Conversations with more options available to us other than, victim and perpetrator.

As a woman I am by no means alone in these links, assumptions and beliefs, and so long as they are running unchecked in your subconscious (my/our subconscious)…. they are running the show, THE. WHOLE. SHOW. setting the bar for how much your going to be valued (regardless of how many attract wealth courses you do) and how well your going to be treated, by yourself as well as others.

I have conversations around these topics all the time with my coaching clients, because to truly shine and be all of you unrestricted by these beliefs we need to go digging a little. Not all the time. Not until your ready.

Another push to publish this post was a reading a blog from a new author @KateNorthrup. I have inhaled with delight her first book #moneyalovestory. Its just divine. In it she talks about these sorts of associations we have with money and self worth and the physical symptoms that  can show up and certainly did for me. It was a bittersweet moment of validation as a I read her book and in it the whispered words of encouragement … share your story, it has value…..

For me there is a very large space now that needs to be filled with healthy values about self respect and self love and self worth that will set the tone for all transactions and currencies in my future. Within relationships, work settings, heavens even the pricing on the content of my work hinges on these beliefs.

Before we can go setting the new programs, we have to dig deep, we have to be prepared to sit still in the uncomfortable places with ourselves and reveal whats underlying our experiences that is helping to create such a dysfunctional reality. (Be that the bullying boss the abusive spouse or financial situation that despite ‘all the right things’ just isn’t budging )

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So my situation eventually improved. I managed to extricate myself out of the relationship I was in. None too gracefully I might add! I didn’t talk about it for quite some time. For those people who weren’t in my closest Goddess Circle who knew the situation, it looked like I was walking away from the perfect relationship. Thats how these things work. But now a year down the track, I comfort myself with the understanding that on a soul level we had an agreement. That he would treat me is such an appalling way so I would learn the most important lesson of my life. Thats how I see it now. Trust is slow to rebuild. Those synapses are slow to transform, but I’m getting there. And so will you gorgeous reader. I know you will. Be brave, be bold. Value yourself ok, ’cause your so damn loveable. Yes you are!

xx

K

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“Here is your sign” (said the universe to the human)

I had a day not so long ago, that simply looked like this ……..

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I know I’m not alone.

I know it won’t be the last day I experience that overwhelming hectic paced busy mind. So busy and noisy that I wondered not once but probably a million times that day that maybe I might just go crazy. So on this day when my mind was a scribble of noise and clashing thoughts, I still did the laundry. I still walked the dog. I still went to work.

And all the while the noise raged on. And on. And on.

I spent the day watching this noise in what I believed was a detached albeit very frustrated way. Like someone had left the TV on with my most disliked show playing on endless repeat and I couldn’t switch it off. At all. Ever. It was exhausting.

As I was leaving work that night my mind raged on. I walked to the car park through the open field into the night. I reached the car park where it was lit but the dark night sky extended above me.

I was alone.

I sighed a big outloud exasperated sigh and pondered to myself how on Earth I was meant to create my magical world with my mind going over and over all the possible disastrous things that were of course in its worse case scenario setting going to happen to me. I wondered in that way where you can have what feels like one hundred thoughts in a split second. Thoughts become things Keri I thought to myself. Thoughts become things. And I sighed again and and thought out aloud.

Give. Me. A. Sign.

 

 

And this is what happened …….

Looking for a sign

Credit:Huffington Post

I couldn’t make this up if I tried. Before the word ‘sign’ was completely out of my mouth a star shot across the sky. It took about 5 seconds to finish its journey. Thats not a short amount of time, count it out now if you like.

One thousand, two thousand, three thousand, four thousand, five thousand.  It had a tail and everything!

My mouth was literally hanging open and I’m pretty sure I swore out loud to no one but the universe in particular. That’s the classy sort of gal I am.

And my mind was quiet.

 

I still get goosebumps thinking about this night as I write this. I don’t pretend to know exactly what the sign was for, but I’m guessing for me it means I’m not alone, I am loved, there is a point to all of it.

I remember thinking that here I was watching light that has made its way across the galaxy, witnessing something indescribable that probably happened aeons ago….. what are we all doing here on planet Earth if not witnessing each others light?

What I learnt that night though, was that you get the best view from a distant vantage point, so don’t doubt for one second Gorgeous One that your light is wasted, that its not seen, not bright enough or important enough. Your magic is being witnessed.

If your looking for a sign, waiting to be given the magical green light. Then this is it. GO!.

Shine your starlight .

x

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Healing @ Home!

Theres a lot of talk in my world about walking the talk. To be truthful it’s probably a good thing. As a healer/therapist type its too easy to book your work up, fill your ‘spare’ time up with family, admin, and all the other things that seem necessary in our daily existence then wonder why you hit burn out. So with that in mind I thought I would share with you the first in my series of…

Beautiful day in the life…. 

 

Heres how you do it.

1. Grab two super besties…. insert Jac Jac and Jo Jo! (Yes we have repetitive code names… of course we do)

2. Set the space up with intention, presence, joy and magic and LOVE

3. Grab your crystals, oracle cards and all your therapist goodies…. insert hot stones, black sesame oil, subtle energy potions and lotions, singing bowls. Oh and of course your own super powers.

 

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4. Aaaaand Repeat with regularity!

x

Magical Thinking

Once upon a time  I was a hippy chick, well actually I was a punker hippy chick…. Yes really! Faux fur leopard print hot pants and black gothic lace and pixie hair just to prove it. I did pagan things and believed in witch craft… you know like on Charmed!

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Ummmm Yep thats me at 21!

 

I had talismans and Goddesses all over my house and celebrated the turning of the seasons with feasts and parties. I even left a piece of my birthday cake out side for the fairies each year. Yup I really did!

Over the years since then, with travel, age and life experience my focus has changed. I surely haven’t become ‘straight or normal’… whatever that looks like, but the grandiose practices have given way to observing the magical in everyday life. When life has become hectic I have celebrated the turning of seasons with a nod, a midnight walk or a cup of rose tea at sunrise.

There are less talismans heaving on every surface… ok well except the owls and the unicorns of course… but I have felt that less was more and that power or strength came from with in me and that there was less need for external reminders.

So when I stumbled across Violet Gray on ETSY I was looking for a beautiful gift for my bestie…. Saturn Return can REALLY suck, I wanted something gorgeous and magical to remind her of her own beauty and magic. Et Viola!.. a new addiction had begun! And I was back in the magical talisman territory!

E-stalking some  gorgeous pieces a few month later for myself I found  this bracelet ” Communicate” and I knew it was mine!

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This year ahead is very much about communication for me; writing, blogging and speaking, so the intention of its creation and the symbolism of the crystals really spoke to me.

Talismans like this don’t suddenly bestow magical new abilities upon us (thus far.. but I WILL get back to you on that!)  I believe though that they are a gorgeous token of focus and reasurance to remind me when I look down to speak my truth and shine my light! The crystals themselves encourage us to resonate with their intended  frequencies, just by being what they are.

Thats practical magic at work!

 

Do you employ magical thinking in your day?

What magical reminders do you wear or have in your space to offer you a reminder of your own strength?

I’d love to hear about them.

To comment below just click the tiny ‘comment’ … yes it is tiny… I’m working on that!

xx