As Boundaried has rolled out the last 3 weeks I have been checking in most days and feeling into the content, making sure I have pressed the right buttons and that popping in and making sure the emails are being opened and sending love to each of the participants!
It’s been really fun to see this beautiful program, a first for me, out in the world.
As that hectic full Moon in Capricorn rolled through and illuminated so much for so many I was sitting the topic of discernment for Day 17.
Discernment literally means ‘to judge well’, and in a society that usually deems judgement in its negative expression we need to get to grips with just how essential this ability is.
The last year has seen enormous change and evolution for me, in all areas of my life, and at each crossroads or turning point I have needed to discern what was right.
What is the next right thing that I need to do, or organise or align myself with?
Do I choose this path or the other? I have been slowly pivoting my business from hands on acupuncture and Rockupuncture to more coaching, and group classes.
It’s been a slow unravel, and I’m very grateful actually that I’ve given myself the time that I have. I can be quite impatient but I’m getting better at it.
As I have sat with what I needed to do next I realised that Discernment happens in two parts. The first part where we check out the specs of the thing we’re thinking about; Do I go on that second date? Do I book that holiday? Do I choose to follow this business idea or the other. Each of these options comes with a raft of information and metrics we can mostly measure.
Then we come to part two and that is, what worked before, and what happened when we did something like this in the past, and how do we feel about it now?
I realised that there was a piece holding me back from taking the path that I know 100% I need to take with my work and my personal life. You see, that bit up there, that ‘what happened in the past and how do we feel about it now?’ Let me share a really vulnerable story with you, but first a metaphor!
Imagine that you worked super hard 3 years ago to save 10k and excitedly threw it into a ‘sure fire’ business idea that flopped badly and cost you that 10k and then some, and you’ve been berating yourself for that ‘ridiculous idea’ and your stupid lack of due diligence ever since. Then imagine that now you’re trying to make a decision around how to budget for the next big idea you’re creating.
How do you think your decision making skills are looking when you’re still berating yourself and haven’t forgiven or let go of or spent time accessing what you learnt from that error of judgment?
You’re not going to be coming from a really aligned space are you?
You’ll be coming from fear and lack of trust in yourself. And nothing good can come from that.
So a few years back I had the aha moment I shared when I launched Boundaried. You know the one where I said that it struck me that I wasn’t backing myself, and I promised myself that from that point on I was going to choose myself and get the heck on with creating my wonderful one life. Sounds simple right?
But I wasn’t totally honest.
The thing is after that internal declaration my personal life fell apart. Like some B Grade afternoon soap opera.
I mentioned way back here that often people don’t like it when you shift the goal posts but I didn’t tell you the half of it.
I was bullied within an inch of my life in my own home for months on end by women I loved with all my heart. Women I had trusted with my soul. This heartbreak made my divorce many years earlier look like a stroll in the park. I felt betrayed and my heart utterly smashed and I have been carrying the shame of this ever since.
You see that while this was happening the rest of my life was going ahead in leaps and bounds.
This my friends is where the hard lessons in alignment are learnt; Mentoring clients found me left right and centre, my Sydney roadshow was booked out, my pop up clinic was going gangbusters, my newly written coaching immersion package was launched and I was going deep with beautiful clients in a way I had always dreamt of.
I earnt more in that 6 months than I had in any six month period before hand.
It gave me the freedom to support others in my life and myself with yoga, and a psychologist and herbs. My health that had been struggling improved, even with all this extra stress.
I could have lost sight of the truth of this and focused on the escalating drama in my house.
I could have listened to the spiritual bypassing and aggression and lost sight of my truth.
I could have fought back and defended myself.
But I kept quiet, kept my head down, and saved my energy for my clients, for my sanity, and for finding a new house.
A new house that of course found me. Literally by accident. I have many of these stories for another time.
What I have realised this last week as I have been working with my business mentor on my next evolution is that I have continued to keep my head down, to be quiet and not raise my voice. I have avoided some social media because it didn’t feel safe, a feeling I have never been able to understand until now. I have kept my beautiful new relationship totally hidden, again out of an unnamed fear.
I don’t fear these women, I’ve happily assumed they’re off living their best lives, probably oblivious.
I’m ok with that actually.
This is about the healing that is necessary for me to trust myself again so I can move forward in alignment, not just for my business but in my life. You might be able to relate.
Healing takes time. It’s taken time for this kernel of shame to surface. Shame that says I was to blame, that our mutual friends silence also meant that others believed I was to blame. That I deserved it. None of this is the whole truth.
I took myself through a gentle and powerful process of self forgiveness that has helped enormously to shift my energy. The response of life flowing again these last few days has been wonderful confirmation.
Brené Brown says two things that I have held close this last week.
Firstly that shame cannot exist in the light of compassion and
Secondly once we own our story we can change the ending.
I’m ready to let this shame go because it is getting in the way of me trusting myself and backing myself and knowing I am worthy of the beautiful things I am creating. That I am worthy of support from my sisters (and brothers) unconditionally. You are too.
So you see discernment isn’t just about having the stats and metrics and mentally preparing for the path ahead. You need to be able to let go of the past to fully make yourself available for your present to shine.
Maybe what you’re letting go of isn’t quite so personal, maybe like my example up there your still berating yourself about a choice you made.
We are so often our hardest critics and could all do with a little more self compassion in our lives.
I have taken this process I used and created an audio for you if you’d like some help moving forward.
It is short just ten minutes with a couple of journal prompts at the end. You can find it here.
Let me know how you go.
With love Keri