Yin, Yang, Desire and the constellation of receptivity and hope.

 

Desire is a constellation of creativity receptivity and trust.

There is so much written on chasing your desires, as if desires and goals have become all mixed up.

There is also much talk of ‘being able to receive’ often in the same conversations as talk of the feminine, and the divine feminine. Women are relearning and meeting their own embodiment for the first time.

Often these conversations are couched in the same energy that we have been operating in which is to say a very masculine direct way in which we believe we are required or to ‘go out and chase’ and hunt down the things in life we want to experience. This is not the way to cultivate the feminine and heal our exhaustion from over doing.

To be blunt a lot of this discussion is just a dressing up of Masculine principals in a pretty spiritual dress. It is not helping us to connect any closer with the innate wisdom we have as women because of our physicality and it’s energetic workings.

(Please know that when I talk about masculine and feminine I’m not talking about men and women. Transpose the words yin and yang if that helps to create understanding.)

Let me ask you……

If your animal body were able to give you all the feedback she needed if she were able to purr in satisfaction or roar in pain and anguish or share her hearts desires in the safe nest the two of you create in the still moments of the day what would she say?

How would you relate to her?

Would you push her to chase down and hunt her dreams or would you let her cultivate her magnetism ?

Desire is like the pull of the moon. The shoreline doesn’t have to ‘do’ anything to have the ocean come rushing at her.

Neither do you.

What if we could truly feel our desires and not just the absence of them and the pain that can cause us, but the spaces within us that they could inhabit and in that sensation create the receptivity to embrace them and TRUST the timing of their arrival.

What. If. That.

What if as women we were able to connect with our innate receptive nature and trust the divine pull of our desires to steer our course across the skyline of our lives?

How much more energy would we have access to each day to take care of our needs and the needs of our families and businesses?

How much less struggle would be present, the self doubt, self loathing and guilt.

Lets talk about the guilt for a minute here.

A dear friend shared with me that in A course in Miracles guilt is referred to as an interruption (I haven’t quite got there yet its slow going!)

An interruption.

An interruption to you and the conversation that you and your soul, your animal body and your very necessary clever human mind are in.

This affects every possible way that we as women show up in the world. It informs us of our not enough-ness of our occasionally too-much-ness. It tells us we shouldn’t ask for so much or hunger for a life that our bodies are telling us is possible.

It encourages us to dampen down those feelings any way we can with food, with alcohol with technology with drugs. And before you know it that clear sonic path way between us and our desires is littered with static and disruption and we distrust the transmission we are hearing.

Our light is dimmed, the twinkling constellation of our lives feels lost in space.

It interrupts our creativity and the permission this needs to take form in our lives.

Let the guilt go.

For all the women over eating, under eating, over working, distrusting the presence of love in your life, be gentle with yourself, the path back to yourself can be a challenging one. It is a not a journey of addition which we are familiar with but of subtraction, which is frightening when we have bought into the existence of not enough and lack and denial.

Let me be clear here we are not talking about subtracting elements of you but of the layers you have worn in error hoping to improve or please or diminish your brightness. This subtraction is a revelation. Quite literally a revealing.

Take your time with your souls rebirth there is no rush.

Remember the co-ordinates to that constellation.

Hear the pull of your desires hidden in the longing and hunger.

Feel the receptivity present in your body.

Trust the unfolding of your heart in your life.

You are woman. Creatress. Huntress.

There is Magic and Desire in you enough to births stars.

Beheld.

 

 

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Rituals to guide you from Breakdown to Breakthrough.

 

Healing Power of Ritual

Ritual is something that I have always used as a marker to honor times and places both physical and metaphysical in my life.

Ritual speaks to the deep unconscious places in us and has anchored intentions and goals for me when life has gotten hectic.

This can be as simple as a cup of herbal tea or something as elaborate as this water purification ceremony, I experienced in Bali. This Ceremony occurred whilst I was on a Tigress Yoga retreat in July last year. I went with all sorts of wild intentions, most of them unrealistic! One of them was seeing this holiday as a ritual place marker of healing and time out. The problem with this was that I had an expectation of what healing looked like.

My expectation was that I would go on this magical holiday (it was really really magical) I would have 10 incredible days off (the first 10 days of actual holiday down time in years ) and I would magically spring back like a magical elastic band version of myself. Viola! Keri 2.0. Expectations much? The reality went a little differently.

But it was EXACTLY what I needed and it was in fact just what I had been asking for. I just didn’t know it at the time because it looked a whole lot like MORE breakdown… nothing like I expected breakthrough to look at all.

It was much like this water temple purification process actually.

I don’t know about you but the idea of going to a truly ancient spring on a beach in Bali bathing in the ocean and being blessed and cleansed conjured up all sort of (unrealistic) images. Eat Pray Love has a lot to answer for, but as these images can attest I looked much more like a drowned rat than a divinely inspired Julia Roberts.

 

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Bucket after bucket of salty spring water is tipped over your head as you are chanted over and a cup of coconut water is offered to you that, somehow in-between gasps and dunks, you are meant to mindfully ingest.

The actual blessing itself was quite like being caught in pounding surf, where you mistime the waves and get dumped trying to gasp for air before the next wave lands on your head.

Most of the time instead of feeling serene and mindful, graciously letting go and inviting in my carefully thought out intention I was just praying that I was ingesting the coconut water and not actually giving myself some deadly parasite that would plague my health into old age… I’m still not convinced that didn’t in-fact happen.

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Did I feel different? Did I feel changed? Did I leave a different person?

You better believe it.

That pledge that I made to myself, the intention that I had set in action had been witnessed by the gods. Lets be honest I’m an out of the closet Pagan!

I am completely in love with the Balinese reverence to nature and beauty; these places have power if for no other reason than we believe them to.

And that is enough for me.

Rituals - Breakdown to Breakthrough

I came home and I couldn’t in all honesty continue life as I had been. Working with out rest, running from heart ache, avoiding tending to some very large wounds.

In the following months everything unravelled.

A wonderful mix of anxiety, depression, shocking cortisol levels, high testosterone, absent estrogen, exhaustion, and an overwhelming inability to leave the house, left me bewildered and wondering how on Earth I had found myself having another breakdown. Seriously?

The REALLY important thing to realise here and this realisation is only available in hindsight. Is that ALL of this was actually me breaking through. It was the last point of contraction before the process of expansion could take place. And if I hadn’t had such an amazing team of people around me, if I didn’t have all the knowledge of my own years of training I would have believed that I was getting worse. Many people indeed told me I was.

I can tell you now that I wasn’t. Things do actually get worse before they get better but not in the way we think.

It has taken a huge amount of self belief, self care and faith to trust the intuition and self awareness that reassured me in the scariest of moments that this was not under any circumstance a downward spiral.

It was the upward one.

If you find yourself in this situation, in the heat of the moment it will be hard to tell the difference.

So here I am sharing my story with you, to let you know dear reader that there will be moments when you doubt your own resurrection story that ‘something has gong wrong’ with your carefully laid plans of healing your heart and soul.

Do not doubt yourself. Surround yourself with the best team of people you can find.

I involved medical science, herbal medicine, psychology, exercise and meditation.

And above all trust your intuition.

If this post speaks to you in your journey know that help is at hand. I’m kind of a specialist guide for The Dark Night of the Soul. (No water dunking required)

I’d love to hear from you. x

 

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