As Boundaried has rolled out the last 3 weeks I have been checking in most days and feeling into the content, making sure I have pressed the right buttons and that popping in and making sure the emails are being opened and sending love to each of the participants!
It’s been really fun to see this beautiful program, a first for me, out in the world.
As that hectic full Moon in Capricorn rolled through and illuminated so much for so many I was sitting the topic of discernment for Day 17.
Discernment literally means ‘to judge well’, and in a society that usually deems judgement in its negative expression we need to get to grips with just how essential this ability is.
The last year has seen enormous change and evolution for me, in all areas of my life, and at each crossroads or turning point I have needed to discern what was right.
What is the next right thing that I need to do, or organise or align myself with?
Do I choose this path or the other? I have been slowly pivoting my business from hands on acupuncture and Rockupuncture to more coaching, and group classes.
It’s been a slow unravel, and I’m very grateful actually that I’ve given myself the time that I have. I can be quite impatient but I’m getting better at it.
As I have sat with what I needed to do next I realised that Discernment happens in two parts. The first part where we check out the specs of the thing we’re thinking about; Do I go on that second date? Do I book that holiday? Do I choose to follow this business idea or the other. Each of these options comes with a raft of information and metrics we can mostly measure.
Then we come to part two and that is, what worked before, and what happened when we did something like this in the past, and how do we feel about it now?
I realised that there was a piece holding me back from taking the path that I know 100% I need to take with my work and my personal life. You see, that bit up there, that ‘what happened in the past and how do we feel about it now?’ Let me share a really vulnerable story with you, but first a metaphor!
Imagine that you worked super hard 3 years ago to save 10k and excitedly threw it into a ‘sure fire’ business idea that flopped badly and cost you that 10k and then some, and you’ve been berating yourself for that ‘ridiculous idea’ and your stupid lack of due diligence ever since. Then imagine that now you’re trying to make a decision around how to budget for the next big idea you’re creating.
How do you think your decision making skills are looking when you’re still berating yourself and haven’t forgiven or let go of or spent time accessing what you learnt from that error of judgment?
You’re not going to be coming from a really aligned space are you?
You’ll be coming from fear and lack of trust in yourself. And nothing good can come from that.
Believe me.
So a few years back I had the aha moment I shared when I launched Boundaried. You know the one where I said that it struck me that I wasn’t backing myself, and I promised myself that from that point on I was going to choose myself and get the heck on with creating my wonderful one life. Sounds simple right?
But I wasn’t totally honest.
The thing is after that internal declaration my personal life fell apart. Like some B Grade afternoon soap opera.
I mentioned way back here that often people don’t like it when you shift the goal posts but I didn’t tell you the half of it.
I was bullied within an inch of my life in my own home for months on end by women I loved with all my heart. Women I had trusted with my soul. This heartbreak made my divorce many years earlier look like a stroll in the park. I felt betrayed and my heart utterly smashed and I have been carrying the shame of this ever since.
You see that while this was happening the rest of my life was going ahead in leaps and bounds.
This my friends is where the hard lessons in alignment are learnt; Mentoring clients found me left right and centre, my Sydney roadshow was booked out, my pop up clinic was going gangbusters, my newly written coaching immersion package was launched and I was going deep with beautiful clients in a way I had always dreamt of.
I earnt more in that 6 months than I had in any six month period before hand.
It gave me the freedom to support others in my life and myself with yoga, and a psychologist and herbs. My health that had been struggling improved, even with all this extra stress.
I could have lost sight of the truth of this and focused on the escalating drama in my house.
I could have listened to the spiritual bypassing and aggression and lost sight of my truth.
I could have fought back and defended myself.
But I kept quiet, kept my head down, and saved my energy for my clients, for my sanity, and for finding a new house.
A new house that of course found me. Literally by accident. I have many of these stories for another time.
What I have realised this last week as I have been working with my business mentor on my next evolution is that I have continued to keep my head down, to be quiet and not raise my voice. I have avoided some social media because it didn’t feel safe, a feeling I have never been able to understand until now. I have kept my beautiful new relationship totally hidden, again out of an unnamed fear.
I don’t fear these women, I’ve happily assumed they’re off living their best lives, probably oblivious.
I’m ok with that actually.
This is about the healing that is necessary for me to trust myself again so I can move forward in alignment, not just for my business but in my life. You might be able to relate.
Healing takes time. It’s taken time for this kernel of shame to surface. Shame that says I was to blame, that our mutual friends silence also meant that others believed I was to blame. That I deserved it. None of this is the whole truth.
I took myself through a gentle and powerful process of self forgiveness that has helped enormously to shift my energy. The response of life flowing again these last few days has been wonderful confirmation.
Brené Brown says two things that I have held close this last week.
Firstly that shame cannot exist in the light of compassion and
Secondly once we own our story we can change the ending.
I’m ready to let this shame go because it is getting in the way of me trusting myself and backing myself and knowing I am worthy of the beautiful things I am creating. That I am worthy of support from my sisters (and brothers) unconditionally. You are too.
So you see discernment isn’t just about having the stats and metrics and mentally preparing for the path ahead. You need to be able to let go of the past to fully make yourself available for your present to shine.
Maybe what you’re letting go of isn’t quite so personal, maybe like my example up there your still berating yourself about a choice you made.
We are so often our hardest critics and could all do with a little more self compassion in our lives.
I have taken this process I used and created an audio for you if you’d like some help moving forward.
It is short just ten minutes with a couple of journal prompts at the end. You can find it here.
Let me know how you go.
With love Keri
This is Keri from 2008, she had just created Rockupuncture and it was about to create a whole new life for her, but first it was going to burn everything to the ground. Dramatic but true.
Around the middle of last year I acknowledged a feeling that I had been having for quite a while;
That my Sydney Rockupuncture roadshow’s were on the way out. I don’t have to wait for something to be flunking, to be unenjoyable or to be a grind to know that it’s time to go.
It’s ok to part on friendly terms.
AND as you might know by now, I’m a pretty intuitive woman and I just had the FEELS.
It was time.
So I did what any self respecting sensible intelligent person would do, and ignored all of this completely!
This is because I have such a great amount of emotion and gratitude attached to Sydney and my time with my clients over the last 9 years.
NINE. YEARS!
I first flew down to treat at Sydney Essential Health at the end of 2009. A guest from Lifestyle Health Retreat, Gwinganna who was an acupuncturist at SEH said before she left the retreat, “you should come to Sydney” and then another guest asked me when I was coming down so she could book in and then all of a sudden I was in Sydney working!
It was that fast and that simple.
I learnt on the run, created a mailing list, trademarked my modality name, and I was off!
I can not truly tell you, just how grateful I am to all my clients for letting me into their lives and trusting me with their health and hearts. What I might not ever have let on in my desire to be professional is just how big a cross roads all this was for me.
I was newly divorced, and newly creating my own business. It was epic to say the least.
I was literally reinventing myself and Sydney played a very big part in that.
The other people that I need to thank (while this is turning into an oscars speech!) is Carol and Neville, my Sydney ‘parents’ that once upon a time were ‘just clients’ .
I don’t have the space here to go into just how much their generosity and love has transformed my world and made my practice in Sydney possible.
I turned up on their doorstep, declared myself their long lost eldest daughter and spent 6 weekends a year in their spare room!
It blows my mind that this modality landed in my heart and hands and it went on to pay the rent, the pet insurance, took me to New York, Chiva Som in Thailand and introduced me to almost all the magical people that are in my life today.
I know some of you reading this are going through your own reinvention and it can feel terrifying to wonder just how it’s all going to work out. It will I promise.
Maybe not in the way you think it will, but it will.
So I’ll get to the crunch shall I? The feeling that I was avoiding continued to get bigger, and I couldn’t avoid it any longer. So I employed a technique that I hope you might be able to use in your life too;
I wrote to ‘Rockupuncture’ as if she was an entity (which she kind of is)
Now if this sounds a little weird hang in there. It’s a really helpful psychological tool to let a different element of yourself or a usually inanimate situation express their purpose to you.
And here is some of what she said….. “ It’s been an honour to serve you and care for and provide for you. I need a break now and so do you. Let your starlight guide you. Let your wild heart out of her tethers now it’s safe. I’m no longer the right container for what you’re offering. It’s natural to cling to what we know and while you are truly out in deep waters now, look down and you might see you’ve grown fins since you last looked.” I can’t deny any of that. It feels so true, (if a little cryptic!)
Nature abhors a vacuum and while I would dearly love to know all the answers ahead of time I have to trust that whatever is coming next needs the space I am creating, whilst sending Rockupuncture off with immense gratitude.
I didn’t realise just how emotional I would feel making this announcement. It’s a creative chapter of my life that’s coming to an end, but I am already wondering what I will create that will take me back to Sydney more often.. or perhaps to Melbourne to those neglected folk who have still been asking me when I’m coming back.
Stay tuned.
And know that if you have a situation in your life that is in transition and you’re wondering what it might say if it could speak that this tool will work for you too.
Let me know how it goes
x
She stared back at me from my past and I remember the exact day a few years ago now that I got it.
A really deep and embodied understanding that Self Care wasn’t just about doing all the lovely more superficial things that I had been doing. It was those things too for sure.
But there was more.
It was great that I took care of my health, and that I ate green food, and walked on the beach and did yoga and occasionally went and had a pedicure. But on this day as I sat there writing I realised that what I hadn’t been doing was choosing myself. That I had been hoping subconsciously that somehow, magically someone ELSE was going to come along with a magic wand and give me the power to do the things in my life that I was hoping to do, be and experience.
I wasn’t living from the inside out.
But handing it all over to someone, anyone (everyone) out there. And it was making lots of things really difficult. How on Earth was I hoping to have success in my work when I was hoping that someone outside of myself needed to like it first? How was I going to find myself in a healthy romantic relationship if I didn’t have my own back first?
I had been prioritising the needs of those I loved to the point that my self care up had been very superficial almost tokenistic.
I recall sitting there that afternoon in my very sunny apartment, looking around like it was all brand new and knowing that from that moment on I would choose me first.
I would back myself wholeheartedly and that the things I wanted to experience more in my life would be prioritised.
I mean it sounds so obvious.
If I wanted something I was working on to be a success I would define that success and then wholehearted go after it. If I was tired and needed time to myself to support my health I would take it.
This embodied decision completely renegotiated my whole life. And put me at the centre of it.
That moment in time completely transformed every relationship I had. (not all of them survived) And it opened up a world of possibilities.
But even as I write this, I can hear it, that voice, you might have heard it go through your head just now too? Because that’s what articles like this trigger off in people like us.
Recovering people pleasers.
Did you hear it? The “But what about them?” But what about what they will think or do if I put myself first.
That’s the definition of selfish isn’t it?
No it’s not.
It’s the definition of Boundaried.
Of knowing what you need, of what you value, of what is of primary importance for you right now.
Of the help you might need to ask for or organise. It will look different for each and every one of us. But the results will be the same. Deep and abiding self respect Energy, Grace and resilience to navigate your life.
This is NOT a boundary that is a barrier keeping everyone out. This isn’t that same wall that keeps a broken heart locked up or a wounded soul in safe isolation.
This is about keeping what you need IN and about elegant choices of where your energy goes based in your values, needs and daily circumstances. It’s about your wild heart knowing it has free reign because she knows her edges are respected. It’s about all this and so much more.
The woman I was and the woman I am now are pretty dang excited t share with you that Boundaried is open for pre-sale.
Two weeks of 20% off then that discount will continue for subscribers till we kick off on the 13th of June.
I would love to hear from you. Subscribe, check out Boundaried HERE and message me with any questions you have.
x
The end of year can be so tricky to navigate.
And I know I’m not alone in observing this. Obligation, unrealistic expectations, clashes of values and needs, it can all seem too hard. It doesn’t need to be this way though.
In my ongoing sorting and repacking of my storage unit, I found a photo of my sister and I somewhere around 1995. It’s a hilarious photo because for some reason we felt the need to kneel down beside my big kitchen table next the spread of food we had prepared. It’s this weird but festive photo with our almost disembodied heads next to plates of food! Let me remind you that there was no digital photography at this point!
I wish I had’ve taken a photo of it before packing it back away. This photo reminded me that for a number of years while we were still living in the same country we would celebrate our ‘Holiday Festival’ on the Solstice on the 21st Dec. This is when we gave each other presents and shared the highlight real of our year and our wishes for the next. *
This felt meaningful and connected as I didn’t align with the commercialism of the season (I still don’t) or the Christian one on offer. I made up my own rituals, borrowed a few from my pagan leanings to honor the summer season and I was on my way! Just add people I love, great food and music. In our childhood my sister played ‘The Muppets Christmas Album’ version of the 12 days of Xmas so much that regardless of whether we are together I hear Miss Piggy screeching 5 Golden Rings until the 2nd of Jan.
*(This was also a time in my life when I left a slice of birthday cake out for the ‘elementals’. True stories. Now I just eat all the cake myself! I figure I’m an elemental too!)
As the years have passed and my baby brother and sister were born, I adored celebrating with them. Their excitement at the Xmas tree, all squishing into the same bed as they couldn’t agree with who was going to sleep in the big bed with their sister! There was even Mass in the melting North Queensland heat with my quasi Catholic parents. I found my feminist alignment with this by ‘hanging out with Mary’ and feeling into the genuine reverence present. Which was undeniable.
My ex-husband was a huge xmas fan. The decorations were epic, the carols continuous and I’m ok with never having to clean up that much tinsel again! The holiday season in the norther hemisphere it has to be said feels so much more authentic to me. At that time of year it can be really nourishing to celebrate and raise your spirits. The gift of a white winter solstice is something I enjoyed so much.
My siblings are now 20 and 22 but my nieces have since been born and I have once again loved creating rituals with them and my sister. No longer two disembodied heads at a table but trying to keep the presents a secret and grab a minute of quiet time together.
This year I find myself at another ritual crossroads. My younger siblings are all grown up, my sister and my nieces living overseas and my parents having parties with friends of their own. (That of course I could join).
I am finding myself leaning toward the ways I naturally love to celebrate and looking forward to creating space in my life for these thing for the first time in a long time. Simple, natural and homespun fun. And honestly while I don’t want to make a huge deal about this one day, after an enormous year I do want to soak up the spaciousness of having a week off and connect with my loves in a way that feels meaningful and not contrived.
I’m feeling into what 23 year old Keri would want to do because whilst we often search into the future to see what our older wiser self might think, there is wisdom to be found in the simple honestly of our younger selves too.
I want you to know that if the season ahead is hard for you, that you can create your own meaningful rituals.
Some ideas you could play with are;
Volunteer for your local charity.
Celebrate an ‘orphans xmas’ with your besties.
Even solo, create and plan ahead for a beautiful day; food, candles, activities that you love doing.
A day in a hammock with a book sounds just divine to me, or curled up by the fire if your Xmas is a chilly one. Making a big gratitude list of all the things you’re thankful for this year is a heart lead way to keep your focus on all that is abundant in your life.
Some other resources you might find helpful-
You can reflect and unravel your year with my Alchemical Year Play book
Alexandra Franzen has this ritual here I think I might try.
And my gorgeous friend Kris has these cards that inspire wonderful connection between people, pop them out if you’re in a group of people that might not know each other well.
I’d love to hear how your approaching the holiday season.
What spiritual practices or festivities do you align with?
And know too that if you’re really struggling don’t go it alone, there are support services you can connect with.
x
K
It needs to be included that as I’m writing this my neighbours child has launched into a sing- a -long version of Jingle Bells on the keyboard. It’s official. The seasons is ON!
Desire is a constellation of creativity receptivity and trust.
There is so much written on chasing your desires, as if desires and goals have become all mixed up.
There is also much talk of ‘being able to receive’ often in the same conversations as talk of the feminine, and the divine feminine. Women are relearning and meeting their own embodiment for the first time.
Often these conversations are couched in the same energy that we have been operating in which is to say a very masculine direct way in which we believe we are required or to ‘go out and chase’ and hunt down the things in life we want to experience. This is not the way to cultivate the feminine and heal our exhaustion from over doing.
To be blunt a lot of this discussion is just a dressing up of Masculine principals in a pretty spiritual dress. It is not helping us to connect any closer with the innate wisdom we have as women because of our physicality and it’s energetic workings.
(Please know that when I talk about masculine and feminine I’m not talking about men and women. Transpose the words yin and yang if that helps to create understanding.)
Let me ask you……
If your animal body were able to give you all the feedback she needed if she were able to purr in satisfaction or roar in pain and anguish or share her hearts desires in the safe nest the two of you create in the still moments of the day what would she say?
How would you relate to her?
Would you push her to chase down and hunt her dreams or would you let her cultivate her magnetism ?
Desire is like the pull of the moon. The shoreline doesn’t have to ‘do’ anything to have the ocean come rushing at her.
Neither do you.
What if we could truly feel our desires and not just the absence of them and the pain that can cause us, but the spaces within us that they could inhabit and in that sensation create the receptivity to embrace them and TRUST the timing of their arrival.
What. If. That.
What if as women we were able to connect with our innate receptive nature and trust the divine pull of our desires to steer our course across the skyline of our lives?
How much more energy would we have access to each day to take care of our needs and the needs of our families and businesses?
How much less struggle would be present, the self doubt, self loathing and guilt.
Lets talk about the guilt for a minute here.
A dear friend shared with me that in A course in Miracles guilt is referred to as an interruption (I haven’t quite got there yet its slow going!)
An interruption.
An interruption to you and the conversation that you and your soul, your animal body and your very necessary clever human mind are in.
This affects every possible way that we as women show up in the world. It informs us of our not enough-ness of our occasionally too-much-ness. It tells us we shouldn’t ask for so much or hunger for a life that our bodies are telling us is possible.
It encourages us to dampen down those feelings any way we can with food, with alcohol with technology with drugs. And before you know it that clear sonic path way between us and our desires is littered with static and disruption and we distrust the transmission we are hearing.
Our light is dimmed, the twinkling constellation of our lives feels lost in space.
It interrupts our creativity and the permission this needs to take form in our lives.
Let the guilt go.
For all the women over eating, under eating, over working, distrusting the presence of love in your life, be gentle with yourself, the path back to yourself can be a challenging one. It is a not a journey of addition which we are familiar with but of subtraction, which is frightening when we have bought into the existence of not enough and lack and denial.
Let me be clear here we are not talking about subtracting elements of you but of the layers you have worn in error hoping to improve or please or diminish your brightness. This subtraction is a revelation. Quite literally a revealing.
Take your time with your souls rebirth there is no rush.
Remember the co-ordinates to that constellation.
Hear the pull of your desires hidden in the longing and hunger.
Feel the receptivity present in your body.
Trust the unfolding of your heart in your life.
You are woman. Creatress. Huntress.
There is Magic and Desire in you enough to births stars.
Beheld.
