Love, Breakups & The Internet – Sitting at the campfire of your heart
A little over four months ago I took off down the road from my new home and had myself a solo lunch date. This is something that I have often loved to do, book and dog in hand I have no problem enjoying my own company. I wrote on this day that too often we wait, for the guy or the gig, or the something before we do the things we want to do. Go in with a full deck I said for when you do meet that someone, inspired by an afternoon reading articles by wordsmith Alex Franzen I was reminded of her post on online dating … and the seed was planted.
Then a few short weeks later I came home, rearranged my lounge room (for the 10th time since moving in three months earlier) I was just about to have my house Feng Shui’d and thought to myself ….. I’ll just see if there looks to be some real warm humans online. I’ll just see.
Be careful what you wish for because we are powerful manifestors beyond our wildest dreams. I saw a warm face amongst many others that were probably just as warm.
And I thought.
I would love to meet him.
And so off I went and wrote a profile that seemed much more like a CV than anything I would actually usually write, because truly it’s the oddest thing to do. I thought to myself that regardless of what happens here I needed to put an intention out into the world that I was ready to meet someone (because the universe hadn’t seen me rolling my eyes for the last bazillion years)
And so a week passes with a couple of singular coffees and I am already hitting that wall that looks like one of those signs that keeps small children off scary rollercoasters, except mine has blonde swatches attached and says ‘if you can’t walk comfortably under this bar turn around’… or so I think. And I remember taking that personally which you really can’t because like everything else in life, it isn’t about you. So I sat myself down like one of my coaching clients and I said Keri, we can shut down here, or we can lean into this and be even more brave….. and I remembered Alex Franzens post on dating.
This was much more the tone of how I would speak and it was warm and funny and so I leaned in and added a few of my own touches. (I may have compared myself to wasabi) Hit update.
And within a minute. (literally)
He messaged me. Him.
The guy I wanted to message me messaged me!
And I fell in love. Big love. Bells, Whistles, Essays, Country breakfasts, Families, Wooing, Flowers and Candles and Magic fucking unicorns raining from the candy floss filled skies. Deep feminine connected Love. For the first time in oh so long.
And then he changed his mind. Without any conversation.
Of course there was (only slightly) more than that but the purpose of why I am writing is to remind myself (and you) that heartbreak has the power to derail your life.
If you let it.
If you get caught up in being right, if you get caught up holding grudges against the perceived injustices. If you focus on making them see. If you make it mean that you’re not meant to live your big brave wholehearted life. If you get caught up in the shame of failure and are not gentle with yourself.
If you are holding your own heart with love it can never be broken.
In Chinese Medicine the heart is the master of the Fire element and without a solid fire element the Water element, the kidneys and its component of fear becomes more dominant and without Fire to nourish the Earth element and your digestion your appetite goes out the door (or you eat the door) and without a solid Earth element to nourish the Metal element (and your lungs) grief settles in its place and this only adds to the now raging fears of the unsupported Water element.
Our only hope to bring us back to ourself is the Wood element and the spirit of the Hun. The Hun is the essence of who we are outside of our human existence. Our Soul self, the self that will return to the collective unconscious when we die, the element of ourself that if nourished guides us on our path in life. The wood element nourishes the heart and the Fire element. Without it we are rudderless.
It is here that heart broken people can make the understandable error of turning to work as a way through as we so often identify ourselves with our jobs. Becoming a workaholic won’t truly nourish the heart, it is only part of the expression of who we are and often it’s not until we find ourselves dealing with grief, loss or heartbreak that we discover that we lost or abandoned ourselves somewhere along the way, or perhaps didn’t know there was any other way to be.
All heart break is an invitation back to self. This isn’t a trite statement. It is not always simple. Sometimes this will become a life long pilgrimage but find what lights you up however small and do that thing everyday even for just five minutes and you will be adding small twigs to the fire of your heart.
Romantic heartbreak is almost certainly a call for you to care for your own heart, and an invitation to trust in self and truly be anchored in your own self love first and foremost. I know this to be true. I have needed to invest in time alone with lots of writing, and feeling all those messy emotions. My Tigress Yoga practice as been invaluable as have the quiet loving spaces of my girlfriends.
There will be things, possibly small things that we will need to discover that can lead us home. Whether its painting, writing, being in nature, drinking hot chocolate and watching your children sleep at 2am. Whatever it is do THAT thing and watch your heart slowly come back to life one piece of kindling at a time.
So beautiful reader, if this finds you heartbroken find what nourishes you and be gentle, but brave and always keep that anchor in the heart of who you are and Ms Franzen, if you’re reading, thank you. Thank you for your life affirming heart filled words I truly love them. And thank you oh so much for that dating template.
Because for a little while I was in love .
And it was beautiful.
Did you find your love on the internet?
Are you nursing a broken heart? How you doing? I’d love to know.