Adrenal Fatigue, Copper toxicity, Under-Mehthylation, Estrogen Dominance – It’s not in your head


 

I am not trying nor could not do justice to all these topics, or you in the one article.

I will link to as many specialists, articles and courses as I know of at the end for you to continue your own personal research. 

My intention here is to share my story with you, as it has mirrored so many clients stories over the last few years and it breaks my heart to hear of even one other woman who has had to spend as much time and money as I did feeling crazy and wondering if they were ever going to get answers. 

I want to you feel seen, heard, validated. Your experiences are real. You are not alone. 

If you are seeking answers and support I can help we may have to really search for them, but hopefully with the use of my own experience we can create some short cuts. 

 

 

So, let me take you back to 2010 and the perfect storm many have experienced of a divorce and a death, coupled with the text book post divorce grieving bonanza of really bad choices, overwork and stress. 

I lost at least 10 kgs and everyone unfortunately was telling me how wonderful I looked and I wanted as fast as possible to feel like I had my shit together and was doing fine. 

I wasn’t 

And you probably aren’t either if you’re reading this. 

And that’s ok. 

There were new wonderful opportunities that I said yes to and there were many choices that I wish to dear heaven that someone had  been able to convince me to walk away from.

I worked A LOT and I never sat still, EVER, for a really long time.

The thing I want you to take time to hear, is it took YEARS at this pace for the wheels to really fall off, and this is such a key thing for women to understand. 

Most of us are pretty resilient, and we are privileged to be able to have a long weekend here, and get a massage there. We think relative to what we have been through that we feel ok, this is not accurate.  We have long ago lost our benchmark of what normal or ok, or basic healthy homeostasis even looks like. 

Our endocrine systems are a nuanced and complex ecosystem, it’s ridiculous to think that we can have such a sustained spike in our stress chemistry and pressure on our adrenal glands and it not have repercussions for the rest of the system (most importantly our ovaries and thyroid) 

And so in ever increasing increments our baseline becomes eroded until one final cliched card brings the whole house down, and we can feel genuinely baffled at this point because the divorce or frighting experience or the job loss was “years ago and I’m ok now” 

Let me repeat myself here. 

You’re not, and that’s ok.

This occurs for a variety of reasons, firstly when we have experienced a significant stress and we are not given time to really rest and heal physically and emotionally, cortisol and adrenaline become our day to day companions.

This sets up a raft of biochemical patterns the most well known of which is that our pre-frontal cortex, the bit of our brain in the front of our heads that is really clever and rational and can make sensible decisions is taken off line (mostly) so we can in theory flee the big scary bear that our bodies believe must be coming for us. 

But that bear isn’t coming, what is however when we don’t have a calm rational thought in our brains is often a barrage of really hectic unfortunate choices with consequences.

Well that was the case for me anyway;

The abusive relationship, throwing money at problems that shouldn’t have been let in the door in the first place. 

It is immensely embarrassing but I’m sharing this because in my experience and those of my clients, shame has a role to play in keeping us from seeking help and finding solutions. 

Life is happening so very fast and we often feel so out of control that slowing down doesn’t feel like a safe option, so the situations begins to snowball and perpetuate itself. 

The manifestation of this for me a few years on, was that I was felt so very anxious, and exhausted and emotional, all the time.

My cycle had taken on the characteristics of a Tarantino movie complete with psychedelic plot twists, waterfalls of blood loss and unexplained emotional outbursts complete with existential crises.

Four years passed and by 2014 things got so bad I finally started to seek help both from a psychologist and an integrative doctor.

I went from my divorce diet super slender self to putting all 10 kilos plus back on in the space of less than a year. And I am going be really honest here, I’ve never lost that weight. I have much to say on this topic of scales and weight but let’s finish this story first. 

I had been taking on and off for years things like Neurocalm, Adrenotone, buckets of zinc, a thing called Estrosense that helped my Liver clear out unneeded estogen and all manner of liver support herbs 

Now as I write this, I am really baffled at how there wasn’t some alarm bells going off in someones head somewhere. I will decline in putting the next paragraph all in caps lock because I know it’s not helpful but please imagine if you can that I am pretty much shouting this because this is how I feel about it!

Let’s think about it, as I’m sure you will relate; I was a young woman in my early 30’s, I didn’t have any history of serious illness I had the lifestyle of a saint (albeit a busy saint with a propensity for putting myself in relationships I shouldn’t) I rarely drank, I ate all my greens, I walked the beach every day and did yoga. Why the bloody hell should my liver not be working properly? 

And why on the Goddesses green Earth would I be ok with just accepting that this was how I was now; tired all the time, emotional and with a uterus that had a 5 film deal with Tarantino? 

THIS IS NOT OK (ok I couldn’t help the caps lock there)

And not only was it not ok for me but it’s not ok when women I treat come in and can barely speak up to tell me what is going on. 

They are so tired, and so exhausted from the managing and the explaining of their symptoms and have spent so much time masking their anxiety that to whisper its existence out loud is almost more than they can bare. 

And so, I did all the fun tests, the saliva ones where you spit in jars and blood tests to check zinc and liver function and every other damn thing, and lo and behold by this point I had no cortisol left ( Cortisol levels increase in times of stress then as the years goes on you run out… I will point you in the direction of science to explain this later) 

I officially had Adrenal Fatigue. Hooray! 

Now this wasn’t a surprise but validation is very bloody helpful and a course of treatment ensued. 

I now also had a reason to rest. Truly friends I believe I am so very good at seeing and treating women with these kind of endocrine issues as I was one of the dumbest people I ever had to deal with. Honestly it’s been such a lesson in humility.

The only thing that could have helped me recover faster is taking more time at the time. 

Repeat that back to yourself as many times as you need because it will sound like an oxymoron. When you’re in this kind of state you will argue with the reality of this as impossible, or at least I did. I would recommend just accepting it as a truth till further notice. 

With that in mind I figured that after 6 months I would be all fixed (lets recap here that it has clearly taken at least 4 years to get to this state of health, feel free to face palm as you read along) 

So I went back after 6 months and redid the tests. I was feeling genuinely so much better within myself. My sleep was better my mood was more even, I was able to make decisions in my life without feeling like I wanted to crawl into a cupboard. So I was super excited to get the test back and have it proven that I was ready to take on the world. 

Oh boy. You can feel the disaster incoming already can’t you? 

The tests came back and things (according to the tests) were worse. 

I’m including this here for two reasons, firstly the fact that things weren’t better in hind site was a hint that there were a few other key things that needed investigating and secondly because it was a really pivotal point in my relationship to my ownership of my experience. 

The doctor in question is someone I still see, and still refer to, she’s amazing. I have no issue with her, but I did learn a lot about how to deal with women like myself in situations like this because as she clinically and technically pointed out the down turn in the graph she had so thoroughly printed out for me, I completely and hysterically (think Uma Thurman) lost my stuffing. 

This was the end officially of my tether. I couldn’t and won’t add up all that had been spent on supplements, testing and treatments. Never mind time off work, and time out from life. 

I had lost friendships and relationships because I was always tired and I was scared about how I was going to continue showing up to my life. It all felt like too much.

What did happen here to give me some hope is that a very clever girlfriend reminded me that I am not my test results. She reminded me that my experience of my own body needs to be my guiding compass and that tests are helpful as I’ve mentioned above to give validation and to support a treatment plan but they are not the be all and end all and that it’s quite logical, especially as an acupuncturist to see that our energetic experience of our health will change first and that physical measurable changes might take a little longer. 

And so with this all in mind I kept on keeping on. I rested, I took my B’s and my Zinc and my Adrenal Support and I had acupuncture and swam in the ocean and got on with my life.

Slowly. (Ish)

I had, had to stop any sort of exercise or yoga but in 2015 slowly began bringing it back in. This felt amazing. The kind of endocrine picture that I had been and most of my clients are in means that muscle is used up as a fuel and putting muscle back can become quite difficult. So to find myself feeling stronger was such a wonderful sensation and further evidence that slow and steady wins the race. 

Life went up and down and sideways as it tends to do and it was well into 2016 when the next, final and most important piece of the puzzle got put together. 

Whilst my impatience is something that I struggle with, my tenacity and persistence is something that I refuse to apologise for, because eventually I get my answers. I may well drive most people in earshot crazy in the process but there isn’t much I can do about that!

This is the piece of the story that I most often share with my clients when they come in, second guessing themselves and doubting that they have the right to ask for better health. 

Because  I am a health practitioner and I do have access to herbs and treatment I was managing a new raft of symptoms  “well” and was almost convincing myself that it was ok and that I should just keep on managing week by week as I was. 

My cycle had created a new type of bonkers and there was mid cycle spotting, odd off and on period bleeding, deep depression day 5 ish , floods of tears on day 18 and a couple of days each cycle when I actually just didn’t have anything to do with the outside world. 

Again I’m being really specific with my experience here as there are many women out there thinking it’s just them, it’s all in their heads, or perhaps this is just normal and they should be braver and stronger. 

I’m here to tell you that isn’t the case at all. 

It might take longer than you would like but help is at hand. 

I was taking Chaste tree, using progesterone creams from day 14, I was still on adrenal support herbs and had just randomly decided to pop myself on another Liver support supplement called Liv Phase 2.  I am still in love with this supplement for many reasons. 

I went back into that same doctor as before and was like “ there is still something not quite right and we need to find it out”

Now while I had put Uma to bed I was still quite persistent. There was a whole lot of hmmm well maybe that’s just your liver, or maybe that’s just Estrogen symptoms … well sure but WHY are there all these Estrogen symptoms? 

“Hmmm let’s take another look at your most recent test results.”

So are you ready folks, after talking zinc for, let’s see, where are we up to? 6 years by now yes? 

I was still zinc deficient. 

So if you’re up to speed with your chemistry and you’ve read the title of this article you will realise that it was about now that I went and had a copper and a methylation test and discovered that my free copper levels were literally off the charts and that I under-methylate which is why my copper levels were out of control and why my liver was also having difficulty processing Estrogen, and a bunch of other things. 

Copper binds to the same sites as Zinc so all this time my zinc levels were being undermined by the ever increasing levels of Copper. (and yes I try not to think of the expense of all that zinc that never reached its destination). 

Copper toxicity damages thyroid function, inhibits zinc and iron uptake, (which then have their own cascade of symptoms) It is implicated in raised cholestrol, Syndrome X, multiple hormone imbalances and the obvious fatigue. 

The thing that I am so deeply passionate about conveying is that so often due to the alarming and urgent nature of our symptoms it is easy even as health practitioners to be treating a symptom thinking it is the cause.  It is important to gently and persistently keep looking for the root.

All of my treatment of the past 6 years at that point would have been infinitely more effective and potentially a whole lot could have been prevented by knowing that I don’t methylate well.

It is a simple and inexpensive test and around 40% of the population has a genetic set up that inhibits this function.

It has links to the MTHFR gene and by all means you can also go down that road of gene testing and in some situations that can be really helpful too. I am as you may have sensed a big fan of keeping things simple, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck its’s most likely a duck. 

If we don’t have a thriving phase two liver function happening so much of our endocrine system will end up under a great deal of stress. Add in actual stress and you have a perfect recipe for baffling ill health. 

There were SO many points where many less tenacious personalities would have taken someone else’s very well educated opinion as gospel and continued to struggle in silence.

Which of course would not have been their fault but I just cannot bare the thought that there are women out there struggling with not only some deeply un-fun physical symptoms but the incredibly hard mental health symptoms, that become barriers to seeking help in themselves.  

As a post script of sorts there hasn’t been a magical ‘there’ that I have arrived at. I don’t believe that this is something that any of us should be hoping for. In any given moment it’s about
“How can I be as well as possible and then getting curious or asking for the help to achieve that” 

Your wellbeing isn’t static it’s going to evolve across your life. 

I experienced a period of feeling amazing, post Copper detox and then just recently I went through a period of stress that saw my hair falling out and I am now back on T3 which is a form of thyroid medication.

I would be lost without my monthly acupuncture sessions and yoga.

There is no one single path for any of us, and I truly believe that the best approach is an integrated one, that takes into account the Ancient Sciences of Eastern Medicine, Western integrative science and emotional intelligence and support. 

This has been my story and experience so far and as I have mentioned earlier I would dearly love for other women to take advantage of my lengthy journey if it can offer them a shorter path to feeling well. 

I am committed to offering my clients the most exemplary care in my acupuncture and coaching clinic and where my knowledge and testing reach their limits always referring on to my extensive network.

Below are some starting points for reading, listening or courses to purchase. 

I am not affiliated with any of these clever humans but have benefited from and enjoyed their resources. 

I would love for you to share your experiences in the comments below and if you have resources that you have enjoyed please pop them in so I can add them into the body of this article. 

I want this to become a resource for all of us to never question the signals our bodies are sending us again. 

Our Feminine Health needs to be a priority in our lives for the wellbeing of all. 

From my heart to yours 

Keri 

x

 

PS I was going to include an Uma Thurman gif from Kill Bill to really clinch the deal but goodness that was a violent movie… but it is kinda how it feels on the inside right? I’ll let you go google yourself 😉

 

 

 

 

Stillness Through Moment Restorative Yoga

Burn out To Balance 21 Day course

 

Dr Libby Rushing Women’s Syndrome – this is your bible now 🙂

https://www.drlibby.com/shop/rushing-womans-syndrome/

The biochemistry she explains so effectively here is essential for us all to get our heads around. 

It’s in this book that you can find an explanation for how we struggle to put on muscle when we are in our fight or flight state. 

Debunking your Thyroid with Nat Kringoudis 

https://www.natkringoudis.com/debunking-your-thyroid-masterclass/

Podcast 

https://www.natkringoudis.com/your-period-and-copper-toxicity-with-melissa-ramos/

 

Kirby Amour

Kirby Amour Copper Toxicity Care 

 

You can also book in with me for Acupuncture or Health coaching, in person in the Kirra clinic or via Skype 



 

 

 

How to create your New Year Ritual

New Year Planner


It’s often so easy to get to the end of the year and be in a real hurry to just want to skip to the end, and enjoy that new page feeling.


Regardless of how hard this year has been, it’s super important to acknowledge what you did accomplish;

Resilience in the face of hardship, success of that new venture, the hard won knowledge that you now have in the aftermath of the thing that failed.
All these things are worth acknowledging, and feeling what you might have learnt from these experiences but if you’re not quite there yet then that is ok too.
Don’t skip to hashtag gratitude before your done grieving or being angry or perhaps even just bloody amazed that you made ‘the thing’ happen.

So how am I taking time to reflect on the year that was?
Well firstly I am working through my own elemental new year work book.
You can get your 2019 version right here.

I’m acknowledging and celebrating the woman that I have been throughout this year, and I am breathing in the woman I am in my future.
She that is always here and available to me that knows what comes next.
I am taking my journal practice to the next level and really anchoring this in by writing and feeling it all in present tense.
So instead of “I wish I was earning xyz and I plan to be back at yoga 3 times a week”
I’m writing about how amazing it feels to be earning that amount, what came up for me to allow it to happen, the unexpected places that it might have come from. I’m writing about how good I feel in my body, how it feels to be sweating, how hard some days have been to get out of bed, but that I felt strong, and had coffee with beautiful sisters after… you get the drift.

It’s always written in deeply embodied language.

I am also able at this point in the year to take time and space to get really clear, dream and plan the new year and I am very pragmatic about this.

I block out the big dates first. It sounds obvious but like many obvious things once you get caught it the day to day minutia of life it’s really hard to find bigger blocks of time to take a course, go away with friends or say yes to that big project.

Then time off or holidays  (even when I have no idea where I might be going yet) get blocked out.
It’s super easy to cancel or shorten these breaks but almost impossible to create them once the juggernaut of the year takes off.

Weekend retreat dates are locked in – yep I’m running weekend events next year.
The only way they are going to occur is if I block out the dates.

The rest is one step at a time from there. Stay tuned! 

I’ve penciled in some Acupuncture workshops to make sure there isn’t a mad rush at the end of the year to get my CPD points up to date.

Birthdays…. you guessed it, blocked out .

So far the template is only extending to August next year, and I think that’s sensible as next year will see the first of a number of new ventures that I spent this year laying the foundation for.  There will need to be flexibility.

I have these dates mapped out in a pen and paper ‘year to view’ calendar and popped into my Ical. You can read about my new Journal and Planner here. It’s still working well.

Then comes the card reading which traditionally I actually do on Chinese New Year or I might pick a full or new moon that feels pretty special and create some space to feel into how I want to feel more of for the new year.

I give myself a little bit of time to play and create a beautiful intentional space with music, candles and my favorite oils in the diffuser to set the mood.

This kind of card reading can be done with any or multiple decks, there are no rules. This one is by Inner Hue and it’s a personal fave.

Remember there is much in flux, and nothing (I believe) is set in stone. I treat these cards as themes and signposts of what is to come. It’s our daily practices that contribute to creating the life and outcomes we desire. These cards, or other practices like journalling, intentional adornment, yoga or meditation are our anchors that enable us to commit to connecting with ourselves and our internal knowing.

With all this in place I will continue or start writing through my play book (which you can get here)

For those seeking a little more assistance in launching their new year I’m offering my one off practical magic sessions again until the Chinese New Year in February.
We will go through the Play Book, sink into my comprehensive Questionnaire and create a path forward after we farewell 2018.
This is a truly powerful and practical way to set yourself up for the new year ahead. It’s also a great way to see how I work before committing to a longer mentorship with me. 

I would love to see you in action with your New Year Elemental Planners. Please tag me @kerikrieger on Instagram with your images and stories. 

Remember history (or herstory) is written by the one holding the pen. Wield yours with a flourish.

Sending you love as you courageously create your future x 

My Venusian Self Love List – Four Resources You Will Love

Straight Woo

Venus Retrograde happens every 18 months or so. If you’ve never heard about this before you can you can read more at this sight here. Basically it’s a revisionary phase of the planet that rules love, fashion, art, commerce and values.

This year it went retrograde in the sign of Scorpio, which brought a deeper, darker and more emotional component to it.

As I wrote on Instagram back in October

“This mirrors the classic story of Inannas descent into the underworld. She is also knowns by the name of Persephone. A quick google search will send you down a rabbit hole of discovery if you’re not familiar with this story cycle.

It is a powerful one for every woman to be familiar with.

This will be a time of reclaiming the seed of new growth from the darkness and pain in our hearts. It’s a time of recalibrating hope to navigate us in a health self loving direction.  Whether you are looking for love, healing your self love story your money story or deep diving into you Feminine beliefs now is a very powerful time. ”

I have noticed that over the last few years really big shifts in perspective friendships and relationships have happened during Venus retrograde, including the classic pop up appearances of exes (not to be encouraged!) and old friends coming to visit (definitely a highlight!) So this year I was ready to use this 6 week transit to consciously take a deep dive with the Goddess of love, and get clear on my values, how I treat myself, and deepen my relationship with the divine feminine.

Across the 6 weeks of Venus Retrograde;

I took two online self care courses (one my own!)

Travelled for 3 weeks to the UK to visit with girlfriends I’ve known almost all my life and Greece to attend a feminine tantric yoga retreat “Huntress of Pleasure” .

After a year of a lot of transition and foundation laying it was wonderful to take time to get really clear about what I value, the importance of the feminine relationships in my life and anchoring into practices that support my daily self care, whilst still being in the world.

Venus was definitely having her way with me.

At the end I will share 4 free resources that have come from these experiences and become the pillars of my self care practice.

I started this transit off with the second round of my online course Boundaried

Working my way through the 21 days with this group was such a beautiful gift. The coaching calls were full of such simple and powerful gems for the women attending and watching on the play back.

On Day Fifteen I talk about giving ourselves permission to ask for help and knowing how and who to do that with. This includes creating safe and nourishing support circles in our lives. Women are not meant to live in total isolation. Patriarchy has had us pitched against each other for the very reason that we are so very powerful when we support and respect each other.

There are many wounds to heal here, and the power of self forgiveness and the very real experience of feeling the support of other women during the course so far has been beautiful to witness.

It was with my heart full of the call of sisterhood that I flew to London. I wrote about it here.

What I will say time and again is that time spent with women I adore, both new and known is so deeply healing.

Investing time and money to cross oceans to say ” I love you and I miss you, thank you for seeing me,” will be the best money you will ever spend. Hands down.

And if you think these kinds of friendships and connections are out of your reach think again dear sister. Attend a circle in your area, join an online forum, join a meet up, there will be hits and misses but we are out there.

Somewhere in the middle of all this I began the beautiful course Radiate by Claire Baker.  If you haven’t heard of her please do yourself a favour and head over to her page and down load her free cycle charts. You won’t look back!

As an acupuncturist of 18 years it would be so easy (and incorrect) to say that I know as much as I need to know about hormones and periods and all things lady garden. I’m so delighted that I took this course.  What I know to be true is that even if you ‘know’ a technical piece of information, there will always be nuances and subtleties that different people will bring to the topic, and new layers for you to gain another level of understanding on.

Claire has such a way with how she shares all the information offered.  I found my self feeling and sensing new elements to my own cycle and my relationship with my wombspace that I am still integrating. There was so much I loved about this course, the meditations especially helped me sink into the wisdom my body was wanting to offer me.

Improving how I access my inner cycles has been super helpful in planning out how I work, and not getting bogged down in those days that see mood and energy swinging wildly.

The 10 days that I spent on the Island of Amorgos attending the Huntress of Pleasure retreat hosted by Devashi Shakti were deep and transformative. I will write much (much) more on this soon.

Amorgos was the island that the famed Circe of Greek Legend was said to be exiled on. It was the site also of an ancient water priestess oracle, which now of course has a church built over it. (The sacred spring prevails)  The beauty and magic of the place is undeniably nourishing.

The week was structured around morning feminine yoga practice, meals eaten in sacred silence, tantric body work in the afternoons and meditation in the evenings. Sacred silence was maintained for the majority of the day with the exception of a couple of hours when we were in circle in the mornings.

What this practically meant is that we couldn’t use idle, superficial chit chat and intellectual distraction to distance ourselves from how we were feeling and we couldn’t engage in habits of counselling or fixing with other women. It also gave us permission to KEEP  all the energy generated in the course of practices for our own restoration and nourishment. It was a gorgeous and necessary respite from lives that are usually focused on service and care of our clients, family and communities.

So here are the 4 practices that I feel you will love exploring and integrating into your self care practice. 

Silence

Seriously this cannot be underestimated and is definitely something I will be exploring more in my daily life. It might be a solo day at home or a morning in silence before work and I  really enjoyed the silence premenstrually.

Even if it feels beyond you, I’d invite you experiment with just being silent until after breakfast on a Sunday morning or choosing a time in your week that will cause the least inconvenience and give yourself a few hours of space. The benefits are not speculative and have been proven to help brain cell renewal, hormone regulation and decreases in stress.

Journalling Your Menstrual Cycle

This practice came out of Claires course, and it’s something she also talks about in her Socials.  There are a number of ways she suggests to journal through your cycle. The one I have been playing with is where in a separate journal you take 28 (or more) pages and dedicated each page to a day in your cycle, then rule the page into 4 pieces so across the passage of 4 months you will see 4 versions of each day at a glance and be able to observe patterns and reoccurring themes.

Now I have been hit and miss with getting into the ritual of this, but I am continuing with it as I am now heading into my second month of journalling this way and I am seeing lots of reoccurring themes and patterns. There are still some days that are blank (hello inner summer) but there has been some beautifully tender days that when I look back on exactly the same day in my previous cycle there have been similar feelings, ideas and desires occurring.

This has been so helpful in inviting myself to be more compassionate for where I am at and I imagine in the future I will be able to clearly see the ebb and flow of energy and even plan self care, days off, and work around this information.

Values

I am ALWAYS banging on about knowing what your values are. It is such an essential element to getting clear about what’s important to you, why that is and in turn helps you understand how to make decisions that will serve you best and support you to make discerning choices. This free online questionnaire here is a great start.  

I am not in any way affiliated with this group, they will ask for your email to send you the feed back which is comprehensive and helpful. You can read more on values on Wiki here

I dive into knowing your values in all my mentoring work and in Boundaried also. As we evolve and our lives change so too will our values grow and evolve.

Boundaried Self Care Phone Tree 

The last resource I would like to offer you is the self care “Phone Tree”

It is one of the resources in Boundaried. I borrowed the idea from the movie Practical Magic. It is one of my all time fave movies and included in the course curriculum!

The phone tree in the film contained all the names and numbers of the women at school to call in case of emergency.  So too your self care phone tree has all the practices, people and resources you know can help. Again it sounds obvious right? The thing is though that the moment we become stressed or find ourselves in a panic a reminder and a simple grounded list of what to do next is one of the most simple and helpful things we can offer ourselves.

Download your phone tree fillable PDF here.

The way we integrate, interpret and work with any process is always going to be a very individual process. It is my intention here that you explore these ways to support yourself and find what works for you.

As always I would love to hear how this unfolds for you.

Keri

x

Transformative Travel Part One – London

 

 

I lived in London for a brief part of my 20’s; had my 25th Birthday in hamstead heath, coming back after the winter in Edinburgh to turn 26 and get married on Kings Road in Kensington.

(Followed by our hand fasting in Ireland with Kate by my side )

The last time I had been in London was 11 years ago for my her wedding.

The wedding of Kate and Will actually (that joke is bordering on ‘Dad’ status by now but it never gets dull for me!)

I was still married and went from Kates magical wedding in Surry back to Ireland to finish packing up my house to leave and return home to Australia. I had been back and forth so many times (between the Isles and Oz) in the previous few years, that I just assumed that I would be back again in no time.

This wasn’t to be the case.

I can’t really explain the sudden nature of the need that filled me.

I had to go to London.

I had been contemplating a retreat in Greece (more on that next)

London, it seemed had set off the alarm and was calling me home.

That’s the feeling of it anyway. It felt simply that I had to go. It wasn’t even a matter of questioning it.

For weeks it played on my mind day and night, schemes of how I might justify it plagued me literally every waking hour and then I started dreaming of catching flights and running through airports.

The need was not subtle or going to subside any time soon.

And so I lept.

 

If you find yourself drawn to an event against all logic go.

The universe is telling you something.

Gloria Steinem

 

Landing in Heathrow was as expected at 5am; hilarious.

The queue took forever and once I got to the front I could see why. The officer I handed my passport to (in complete silence while trying to make my face look as bored  as the image on the front page) was ready for a cracking chat.

He proceeded to ask me where I was staying and had I been here before and did I realise that London was a very big city and not at all like a sleepy suburb of Perth (that we had flown out of).

I assured him yes Sir I was well aware of what I was getting myself into and that I was in fact much (much) older than the straight out of school gap year students that stood around me and was going to be ok. Thank you for checking though.

And so now to work out where I was going and how to get there.

Kate and Will had been held up by a cancelled flight in Spain and so weren’t home yet. There was anxious whatsapp messages awaiting me upon arrival. They wouldn’t be home until this evening.

Girlfriend and walking testimonial for my Coaching Immersion Tina who is off on a year long around the world trip with her hubby and two boys JUST happened to be in London the exact weekend and so I sent Tina a message to see where she was at.

Talk about timing!

Serendipity loves company and so trundling through the Underground up and down way too many steps I eventually found myself at Marble Arch, in the most stunning boutique hotel, having the best shower of my life and breakfast with a dear friend like it had always been planned this way.

 

 

 

That really was the feeling of the whole trip. That all the things that occurred were already planned, I just had to show up with my “well I wonder what will happen today” attitude and watch the magic unfold.

The night after I arrived was reserved for the beautiful evening guiding a group of women with the Goddess Space.

Pop over to read how that went.

And from then on it was Kate and I, many kilometres of walking a day, daily yoga classes, my fairy god babies and a very busy Will who was graceful in the face of his house and newly unemployed wife being absconded with.

 

 

 

As I found myself walking the busy pre xmas streets of London I was overcome with the reality of just how much of myself I had left behind.

How much of my creative wild soul had been left on this island 1000’s of kilometres away from my home on the Gold Coast.

It was impossible not to feel Just HOW much of myself was available to me here connected to this land that I had long forgotten the song to.

There was a cellular embodied recognition of the dirt and cobble beneath my feet.

My lungs recognised the air they inhaled, and my soul called me, deep in my bones to stop, feel and call her home.

The lost parts of myself.

Depths of feeling and memory, mine and not mine recoiled toward me on those streets and found their place back in my heart.

Sliding back into spaces of longing, love and homecoming.

Like a new harmony added to much loved favourite song my heart expanded and remembered.

Soul retrieval – this is the only way I can describe the depth of feeling. I’m still unable to talk about my experience without the tears coming.

 

I wondered as  I stood on my hill in Hamstead Heath if maybe it was the nostalgia of a women in middle age looking back on her much younger self, maybe unresolved pieces of my ended marriage.

But this was not the case.

It was forward moving, enlivening.

A remembering of a richness that still lives in me.

Like a carefully stored dress, found in an attic, preserved waiting for the wearer to remember.

And like most truly magical moments it was also perfectly mundane.

We caught the tube, we dropped the girls off at school, I did laundry, we ate Ramen and bought groceries.

We went to galleries and drank gin and ate cloud cake.

We did lots and lots of yoga

 

 

We made magic with the girls in the garden. I am “Fairy G” after all.

For all the versions of myself past and present that haven’t had these opportunities I will be grateful for all my days that I went.

The thing about an old city is that you can meet yourself again and again.

Old self and future self sliding past each other with a wink.

Recognised but incognito.

The ultimate state of reinvention .

 

 

This trip was just for me. A deep soul connection that I needed.

With this landscape, with a very dear friend of 20 years and new friends courtesy of the internet.

Those people that you chat to and can’t believe it’s the first time you’ve met.

When it feels like you’ve  been doing lunch always.

Rhiannon is one of those people. Conversation that felt like a warm embrace, like we were picking up from where we left off.

A soul sister with needles and bangs and doe eyes and and that signature fierce spirit beneath the softness.

Watch this space as I just know there is collaboration in our future!

And so fighting back tears, (as I continued to do for the next couple of days) we parted at the train.

Till next time, not goodbye.

Never goodbye.

 

The oak trees, the light, the herbs that spoke to me in every hedgerow.

London I love you.

Till next time.

 

And with tears cascading down my cheeks she had one last rainbow wink for me as I turned my sights on Athens ….

 

 

An evening with The Goddess Space – Huntress Meditation

 

Instagram is a busy beast, love it or hate it, it’s ‘a thing’.

The potential to have an endless array of perfectly curated images in the palm of your hand and the seemingly perfect lives that go with it, can do your head in. (Lives, bodies and experiences that you may believe are out of your reach)

So it is with a great deal of intention that I have been choosing and following and scrolling with a little more awareness.

It’s one of the rare places that we get to choose what our eyeballs see, unlike so much of the advertising that is placed in our way when we haven’t even given our permission for it to be there.

If you’re struggling with your social media intake and what you see is leaving you feel less inspiration and more self loathing then I suggest that you immediately unfollow anyones account that leaves you feeling less than magical. It’s not personal.

I found The Goddess Space after working with Vienda Maria and instantly felt a calling to get in touch with Anoushka. “But you can’t just do that can you?”

Well yes you can, in fact it’s one of the best ways you can create and nourish a community on this mad planet of little squares.

And so I did.

As you might recall I had a trip to London planned A semi spontaneous trip that I wrote about here

And so in a quick succession of messages a date was picked and it was happening!

I was taking my Huntress Meditation evening to a gorgeous little event in London, just like that.

I had felt the pull for many many reasons, but knew I needed to trust that the details would come.

 

I had only landed in London very early the morning before and I hoped I wouldn’t be jet lagged.

(I avoided Jet Lag altogether somehow)

I even found my way there without getting lost.

Even a last minute location change couldn’t disrupt the flow of the evening and in fact invited in an even more luxurious element and meant Anoushka’s delightful mum could also be there.

Thank you Sera for having us in your home.

As you can see it was a wonderful evening.

 

 

The scene was set.

Can you believe this beautiful apartment?

All by Sera of London

 

 

 

 

 

If we are going to spend so much of our time on our devices at least use them to reach out to our sisters around the planet.

Real life heart connection still wins.

It was made even more pleasurable that I was able to bring my friend of 20 years Kate along for the ride.

Pop over to @stretchyoga in Instagram for her classes.

 

 

 

 

Anoushka talked about the meaning behind Guy Falks night, the coming around a fire and lighting up the darkness.

We wrote our intentions down and released them to the fire.

(We also set the fire alarm off a few times but hey, it all ended ok!)

 

 

 

 

The Huntress Meditation came to me four years ago.

You might say that my years of study and reading of ancient history, mythology psychology and feminism gave me access to these archetypes that all women carry within.

What I know in myself is that the frequency that is uniquely mine (as yours is) is designed to carry the energy of our wild warrior priestess history.

An energy that in the past had us burnt at the stake,

An energy that had to go into hiding.

That in some places still is in hiding.

 

 

 

One client, friend, gathering at a time I wish to reignite our connection with that frequency in safe held space.

Women, coming together without comparison or competition to share and be heard and connect.

Do you create time and space in your life to connect with your sisters?

I’d love to hear about your experiences .

 

K

 

x

How Planning and Manifestation work together

 

 

Organisation and planing are part of the process of Manifestation!

Less that two months ago while I was still batting away the idea of this overseas trip about to happen in a few short days time, I was doing that thing that we all have done at some point and ‘asking for a sign’

Which for me is totally ridiculous a) because I see signs for everything all the time and b) I usually only start asking for signs when I know EXACTLY what I need to be doing but it feels scary.

So when  I tuned in again for guidance, and yet again heard ‘get organised’ it felt underwhelming (because I was thinking it was going to be scary and that is not hard or scary at all!!) But I also realised that for me at least ‘being organised’ is a key part of manifesting.

It’s like the universe needs to keep me busy and out of my own way and get me ready to jump when things fall into place.

Time and time again these last few weeks, when I wasn’t sure what was next to do, and I’m hoping to hear something deeply profound! Loud and clear all I hear is “ Get. Organised”

Now some people that know me will be already rolling their eyes at this.

I have a not so secret Terrier streak that sees a finish line and channels some deep inner Virgo list busting skill set and just goes for it!

I’m not exactly the most disorganised person in the first place, but each time I have heard this I have acted on it because I understand and respect that you cannot expect guidance to keep pouring in when you don’t act on it.

However bizarre it might seem.

So I hopped to it; I’ve closed long empty old bank accounts and Feng Shui’ed my finances, shredded old journals, and re-organised my diary/ journalling / client record situation with this blog from Vienda as a guide.  This has felt supportive, luxurious, and is about anchoring into abundance and comfort.

This type of preparation despite its lack of direct connection isn’t the kind of action that often falls into the category of procrastination.

You know the situation, that final assignment needs to be done and suddenly the grout you’ve been happily ignoring is suddenly the most important thing in the world!

No, this is the deep dive into trust that though it might not seem directly linked to what I am trying to achieve  is essential to the process.

Isn’t it true that we can never really be sure exactly how something is going to unfold?

We might have a dream to travel, to create something, to find a new home or a new love and so we start with one little step at a time.

I dreamt (literally) of catching planes for weeks before I relented to following the creative crumbs of my new London Coaching offering. I have since got my passport out, it’s sitting on my desk reminding me every day.

And of course I have actioned plenty of the obvious steps.

Sales pages have been created, post have been scheduled, promo ideas have been written down, and mad brave cold calls have been made following the feelings to people I’m yet to meet that may be destined to be new friends!

There are goals beyond London that I have been working towards all year, and again they have been of the circuitous variety!

It feels very much like setting up the solid foundation for which many new things are going to be based on.

Next year it is my intention to have the option to work remotely some of the time and it feels like I need to be clear on the practices, clothing and lifestyle items that will travel well with me.

Obviously I don’t NEED these things to have a successful business coaching women but they have been super helpful in anchoring in the FEELING of how that is going to work from anywhere on the planet.

And if you don’t know by now I love me some Practical Magic.

With each clear and conscious purchase such as my new planer I am bringing my self closer to that which I am seeking and as Rumi has famously said will be finding it’s way to me too!

All the while I am staying open to those bolts from the blue, plot twists and unexpected but gratefully received moments of assistance.

I put these ideas out to the women in my Instagram community when this first came up in August and here are my responses to the things that they shared often get in the way of supporting their process of manifestation.

 

Information overwhelm Analyss paralysis Fear of Starting!

If you are already overwhelmed you have ALL the information you need. Step AWAY from the internet and just start. Fling the words up on to a blog, hit send on the intro email that you’ve spent the last week looking at, make that phone call. Just. Start!

Feeling I’m being idealistic or not knowing or having the experience

Short of saying your going to be the first woman on the moon (and hey I’m not going to tell you it’s not possible!) Being ‘idealistic’ is just a dream you havent experinced yet.

Even if the perfect version of the thing your planing and dreaming doesnt happen exactly how you envisioned it, along the way you have created a new skillset and experience to use for the next time you want to bring something new into your world.

Also everyone and anyone who has done anything new or different was told they were bonkers first by nay sayers.

Not being certain of others involved in the plan (or future being manifested)

Give yourself full permission to want what you want regardless of what other people think is possible Or even what currently looks possible. You’re allowed to want what you want. Share you future desires with key people in your world. How they respond gives you alot of information on whetther or not they are aligned with your future. It can be this simple, not always easy on the heart but pretty straight forward. Owning YOUR own narraitve is essential for creating the life your magic heart desires. These are three conversation starters worth exploring.

In my future I see….

Its a long held dream of mine to…….

Its important to me that………

 

We have to be very careful with our dreams and plans in the beginning.

Be discerning who you are going to share you bold new plans with. Not every is going to be as excited about it as you are and thats ok, but we need to know that this doesn’t mean we still shouldn’t pursue our dream. People will sometimes be fearful for you and it simply isn’t helpful. Sometimes we are just so excited and put too much importance in someone else seeing the brilliance of our new plan instead of backing ourselves whole heartedly and doing our due diligence. This breeds self doubt and resentment. Find a mentor, coach, or friend who is as Brene Brown says ‘ in the arena’ doing work of the similar calibre you are looking to create.

We need to make the unknown known.

Follow online, chat to, watch, listen or read about women who have done the thing youre hopeing to do or experience. Knowing your creation will be differnt again.

Having a mentor, coach or group who has been and done what you are wanting to do to has been super helpful for me.

Knowing when it’s time to let something go

Nothing is ever wasted. Trust this truth. Some plans, book drafts, ideas or relationships  are not meant to see light of day, but what you have learnt in the process will undoubtedly make the next thing you approach much more successful. It can be a bittersweet with out doubt.

Sometimes things do just take time and it can feel super frustrating but one thing I know for sure is that life is happening FOR us not TOO us.

 

I’d love to hear from you, your experiences on manifesting and how you support this process in your life.

 

Here’s to creating lives with meaning and benefit not just ourselves but our communities as well.

x