7 key practices to survive a holiday with your family as an adult (and an introvert!)

survive a holiday with your family

How to go on holiday with your family as an adult and survive!

It wasn’t the reason I created Boundaried  but it should come as no surprise that the course content has come in very handy over the last couple of weeks as I traveled through South Africa with my family for the first time in many years and certainly as the first time as an adult!

My sister, Dad, Step-mum and younger brother have been bunking in together for my younger sisters wedding in Franshoek near Cape Town South Africa. My sister and I are 44 and 42 my brother is only 22.

It’s been 35 years since my sister and I have lived together and even longer since I spent any length of time living with my parents. I did wonder how we would get on with all the differences in personality, energy and food requirements.

What I realised is that the practices in Boundaried have served as a great reminder to me on how to travel well, and avoid the kind of conflict that can happen when personalities, over tiredness and the odd dose of hangry mix.

And this doesn’t of course have to be reserved to travelling with family.

I’ve taken few of the modules out of Boundaried and unpacked them in a real life on the road kind of way.

My sister and I only had a couple of spats, which if you asked my sister she would say that they didn’t happen at all 🙂

So I think this could be helpful if you find yourself traveling in a pack, and need to know you won’t lose your mind. Especially if you’re an introverted or HSP human.

 

How to travel with your family

Aren’t We Cute!

Take up space

Find a cafe, the back garden, the kitchen table with your headphone on. There will be a space somewhere where you can do your thing, have a breather and connect with your values and nourish your needs even if its for half an hour. eg I got up earlier than everyone else and had solo breakfast time or zipped out to a cafe. 

Keep this in mind if you are hiring cars. It might seem prudent to minimise drivers based on a financial need but if you know you will go crazy not being able to zip down the road on your timeline then it’s worth the investment. 

This applies also to rooms and privacy if you’re travelling with small children or you and your spouse are hoping for romantic interludes then you might want to splurge on separate accomodation based on your timelines.

 

 

 

Tahlee from Sonessence Music replied to this insta post  asking how other introverts take care of themselves while travelling in groups.

I love noise cancelling headphones and her meditones are magic at helping you find your centre again.

 

Know your values and communicate them early on. 

Your values might pertain to type of food, hours of sleep, time to exercise, the kinds of site seeing you enjoy. You don’t have to all be glued at the hip. If two want to see the aquarium then you can go you can go shopping and your sister might amble around an art gallery before meeting up for a fabulous dinner at a pre-arranged time and place. 

Your dad probably isn’t going to go to that Vegan restaurant but he might be persuaded to try coconut ice-cream on a hot day. Pick your battles. 

Heal your heart.

Bringing the argument of 2001 to the table in 2019 might not be the best plan. Especially if the person in front of you now isn’t the person you were arguing with back then. They have evolved (if they have) and so have you. Be here now give yourself the love care and respect that you need and move on and enjoy what is right in front of you. 

Rituals + Routines. 

Most of us are a bit lost when separated from our routines for too long, especially if we find ourselves being dragged around a foreign city with someone else routines as a focus. 

What rituals and routines would you like to establish on your holiday?

What would help?

Simple things like an early morning shower, a coffee in the park, an afternoon siesta before the nights adventures.

If you’ve travelled before you might have some already established but now is the next best time to create some. I am a very big fan of the spacious morning cuppa. I love a walk in a park to clear my head and get the feel of a big city. This worked a treat last year in London

You are at the heroine of your own story. 

Sit down with your journal and write down in past tense how the holiday went as if it’s a grand story with you in the lead role. Where did you go? What was most important? Is this a surprise to you?

What did you love the most and what creative and supporting roles did the rest of your family play on your trip?  How did you co-create a fabulous experience? Let the pen roll, the answers might surprise you. 

Discernment 

Discernment means to judge well. This might look like putting your foot down when you get that funny feeling about a particular taxi driver, location or bill. 

Depending on how well travelled the rest of your group are this might actually be your job to hold space for. 

I remember when I was travelling in South America in my early 20’s. We pulled up after an over night bus trip to Santiago very tired after climbing a volcano the previous day. 

The taxi driver spotted our exhaustion from a mile away, had our stuff in the car before a second man jumped in the passenger seat. I had sensed something was off but I wasn’t yet familiar with that feeling. It was too late when they pulled a knife on us. All is well that ends well but never doubt that feeling. 

 

Learning to Self Soothe.

Someone (or everyone ) is going to piss you off at some point. There is every chance that no-one else in the group will be interested in taking responsibility for their emotional over flow (or that’s how it can seem) The best way to enjoy your time and not re start the feud of 2001 is to learn what you need to self soothe. 

Now I have to admit that I was REALLY nervous about this trip. I am a solo traveller from way back and with this trip I had literally done nothing in the planning. Flights, dates, times, accomodation all of it, had been pre-arranged.

Now while I am also very grateful for this experience, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was a tad nervous. 

So what is it that you need? For me as an introvert I need a little space and a little quiet. Doesn’t even need to be much but I need to know that I can go for a walk, sit in a coffee shop for an hour, read with my headphones in listening to music. Most of these things are readily available, especially as I’ve communicated this to my family.

I also made sure that I knew my needs for the trip. What did I really want to see/ explore /do /experience while I was away, so that if other plans went by the way side or a day got sidetracked I was able to focus in on the primary and essential experiences and not sweat it. 

(I even got in a little writing time!) 

And finally

Play

Funny isn’t it that we need to be reminded as adults to play. Brining humour and creative play to any situation is going to open up more options, diffuse tension and remind you about why you’re on holiday in the first place!

 

 

 

 

All these practices and topics are explored at greater length across 21 days of audios and a tool box full of practices, meditations and handy PDF’s.

Head here to find out more AND (just to thank you for popping in and reading) you can use the code OnTheRoad to enjoy the 20% subscriber discount.

 

 

 

Boundaried – 21 days of Practical Magic + Personal Devotion

boundaried, e-course, keri krieger, women's health coach

She stared back at me from my past and I remember the exact day a few years ago now that I got it.

A really deep and embodied understanding that Self Care wasn’t just about doing all the lovely more superficial things that I had been doing. It was those things too for sure.

But there was more.

It was great that I took care of my health, and that I ate green food, and walked on the beach and did yoga and occasionally went and had a pedicure. But on this day as I sat there writing I realised that what I hadn’t been doing was choosing myself. That I had been hoping subconsciously that somehow, magically someone ELSE was going to come along with a magic wand and give me the power to do the things in my life that I was hoping to do, be and experience.

I wasn’t living from the inside out.

But handing it all over to someone, anyone (everyone) out there. And it was making lots of things really difficult. How on Earth was I hoping to have success in my work when I was hoping that someone outside of myself needed to like it first? How was I going to find myself in a healthy romantic relationship if I didn’t have my own back first?

I had been prioritising the needs of those I loved to the point that my self care up had been very superficial almost tokenistic.

I recall sitting there that afternoon in my very sunny apartment, looking around like it was all brand new and knowing that from that moment on I would choose me first.

I would back myself wholeheartedly and that the things I wanted to experience more in my life would be prioritised.

I mean it sounds so obvious.

If I wanted something I was working on to be a success I would define that success and then wholehearted go after it. If I was tired and needed time to myself to support my health I would take it.

This embodied decision completely renegotiated my whole life. And put me at the centre of it.

That moment in time completely transformed every relationship I had. (not all of them survived) And it opened up a world of possibilities.

But even as I write this, I can hear it, that voice, you might have heard it go through your head just now too? Because that’s what articles like this trigger off in people like us.

Recovering people pleasers.

Did you hear it? The “But what about them?” But what about what they will think or do if I put myself first.

That’s the definition of selfish isn’t it?

No it’s not.

It’s the definition of Boundaried.

Of knowing what you need, of what you value, of what is of primary importance for you right now.

Of the help you might need to ask for or organise. It will look different for each and every one of us. But the results will be the same. Deep and abiding self respect Energy, Grace and resilience to navigate your life.

This is NOT a boundary that is a barrier keeping everyone out. This isn’t that same wall that keeps a broken heart locked up or a wounded soul in safe isolation.

This is about keeping what you need IN and about elegant choices of where your energy goes based in your values, needs and daily circumstances. It’s about your wild heart knowing it has free reign because she knows her edges are respected. It’s about all this and so much more.

 

The woman I was and the woman I am now are pretty dang excited t share with you that Boundaried is open for  pre-sale.

Two weeks of 20% off then that discount will continue for subscribers till we kick off on the 13th of June.

I would love to hear from you. Subscribe, check out Boundaried HERE and message me with any questions you have.

x

Creating Holiday Rituals that Nourish

keri krieger blog, how to survive xmas, end of 2017, women's health coach, emma kate co

 

The end of year can be so tricky to navigate.

And I know I’m not alone in observing this. Obligation, unrealistic expectations, clashes of values and needs, it can all seem too hard. It doesn’t need to be this way though.

In my ongoing sorting and repacking of my storage unit, I found a photo of my sister and I somewhere around 1995. It’s a hilarious photo because for some reason we felt the need to kneel down beside my big kitchen table next the spread of food we had prepared. It’s this weird but festive photo with our almost disembodied heads next to plates of food! Let me remind you that there was no digital photography at this point!

I wish I had’ve taken a photo of it before packing it back away. This photo reminded me that for a number of years while we were still living in the same country we would celebrate our ‘Holiday Festival’ on the Solstice on the 21st Dec. This is when we gave each other presents and shared the highlight real of our year and our wishes for the next. *

This felt meaningful and connected as I didn’t align with the commercialism of the season (I still don’t) or the Christian one on offer. I made up my own rituals, borrowed a few from my pagan leanings to honor the summer season and I was on my way! Just add people I love, great food and music. In our childhood my sister played  ‘The Muppets Christmas Album’ version of the 12 days of Xmas so much that regardless of whether we are  together I hear Miss Piggy screeching 5 Golden Rings until the 2nd of Jan.

*(This was also a time in my life when I left a slice of birthday cake out for the ‘elementals’. True stories. Now I just eat all the cake myself! I figure I’m an elemental too!)

As the years have passed and my baby brother and sister were born, I adored celebrating with them. Their excitement at the Xmas tree, all squishing into the same bed as they couldn’t agree with who was going to sleep in the big bed with their sister! There was even Mass in the melting North Queensland heat with my quasi Catholic parents. I found my feminist alignment with this by ‘hanging out with Mary’ and feeling into the genuine reverence present. Which was undeniable.

My ex-husband was a huge xmas fan. The decorations were epic, the carols continuous and I’m ok with never having to clean up that much tinsel again! The holiday season in the norther hemisphere it has to be said feels so much more authentic to me. At that time of year it can be really nourishing to celebrate and raise your spirits. The gift of a white winter solstice is something I enjoyed so much.

My siblings are now 20 and 22 but my nieces have since been born and I have once again loved creating rituals with them and my sister. No longer two disembodied heads at a table but trying to keep the presents a secret and grab a minute of quiet time together.

This year I find myself at another ritual crossroads. My younger siblings are all grown up, my sister and my nieces living overseas and my parents having parties with friends of their own. (That of course I could join).

I am finding myself leaning toward the ways I naturally love to celebrate and looking forward to creating space in my life for these thing for the first time in a long time. Simple, natural and homespun fun. And honestly while I don’t want to make a huge deal about this one day, after an enormous year I do want to soak up the spaciousness of having a week off and connect with my loves in a way that feels meaningful and not contrived.

I’m feeling into what 23 year old Keri would want to do because whilst we often search into the future to see what our older wiser self might think, there is wisdom to be found in the simple honestly of our younger selves too.

I want you to know that if the season ahead is hard for you, that you can create your own meaningful rituals.

Some ideas you could play with are;

Volunteer for your local charity.

Celebrate an ‘orphans xmas’ with your besties.

Even solo, create and plan ahead for a beautiful day; food, candles, activities that you love doing.

A day in a hammock with a book sounds just divine to me, or curled up by the fire if your Xmas is a chilly one. Making a big gratitude list of all the things you’re thankful for this year is a heart lead way to keep your focus on all that is abundant in your life.

Some other resources you might find helpful-

You can reflect and unravel your year with my Alchemical Year Play book

Alexandra Franzen has this ritual here I think I might try.

And my gorgeous friend Kris has these cards that inspire wonderful connection between people, pop them out if you’re in a group of people that might not know each other well.

 

I’d love to hear how your approaching the holiday season.

What spiritual practices or festivities do you align with?

And know too that if you’re really struggling don’t go it alone, there are support services you can connect with.

x

K

 

 

It needs to be included that as I’m writing this my neighbours child has launched into a sing- a -long version of Jingle Bells on the keyboard. It’s official. The seasons is ON!

 

 

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Yin, Yang, Desire and the constellation of receptivity and hope.

 

Desire is a constellation of creativity receptivity and trust.

There is so much written on chasing your desires, as if desires and goals have become all mixed up.

There is also much talk of ‘being able to receive’ often in the same conversations as talk of the feminine, and the divine feminine. Women are relearning and meeting their own embodiment for the first time.

Often these conversations are couched in the same energy that we have been operating in which is to say a very masculine direct way in which we believe we are required or to ‘go out and chase’ and hunt down the things in life we want to experience. This is not the way to cultivate the feminine and heal our exhaustion from over doing.

To be blunt a lot of this discussion is just a dressing up of Masculine principals in a pretty spiritual dress. It is not helping us to connect any closer with the innate wisdom we have as women because of our physicality and it’s energetic workings.

(Please know that when I talk about masculine and feminine I’m not talking about men and women. Transpose the words yin and yang if that helps to create understanding.)

Let me ask you……

If your animal body were able to give you all the feedback she needed if she were able to purr in satisfaction or roar in pain and anguish or share her hearts desires in the safe nest the two of you create in the still moments of the day what would she say?

How would you relate to her?

Would you push her to chase down and hunt her dreams or would you let her cultivate her magnetism ?

Desire is like the pull of the moon. The shoreline doesn’t have to ‘do’ anything to have the ocean come rushing at her.

Neither do you.

What if we could truly feel our desires and not just the absence of them and the pain that can cause us, but the spaces within us that they could inhabit and in that sensation create the receptivity to embrace them and TRUST the timing of their arrival.

What. If. That.

What if as women we were able to connect with our innate receptive nature and trust the divine pull of our desires to steer our course across the skyline of our lives?

How much more energy would we have access to each day to take care of our needs and the needs of our families and businesses?

How much less struggle would be present, the self doubt, self loathing and guilt.

Lets talk about the guilt for a minute here.

A dear friend shared with me that in A course in Miracles guilt is referred to as an interruption (I haven’t quite got there yet its slow going!)

An interruption.

An interruption to you and the conversation that you and your soul, your animal body and your very necessary clever human mind are in.

This affects every possible way that we as women show up in the world. It informs us of our not enough-ness of our occasionally too-much-ness. It tells us we shouldn’t ask for so much or hunger for a life that our bodies are telling us is possible.

It encourages us to dampen down those feelings any way we can with food, with alcohol with technology with drugs. And before you know it that clear sonic path way between us and our desires is littered with static and disruption and we distrust the transmission we are hearing.

Our light is dimmed, the twinkling constellation of our lives feels lost in space.

It interrupts our creativity and the permission this needs to take form in our lives.

Let the guilt go.

For all the women over eating, under eating, over working, distrusting the presence of love in your life, be gentle with yourself, the path back to yourself can be a challenging one. It is a not a journey of addition which we are familiar with but of subtraction, which is frightening when we have bought into the existence of not enough and lack and denial.

Let me be clear here we are not talking about subtracting elements of you but of the layers you have worn in error hoping to improve or please or diminish your brightness. This subtraction is a revelation. Quite literally a revealing.

Take your time with your souls rebirth there is no rush.

Remember the co-ordinates to that constellation.

Hear the pull of your desires hidden in the longing and hunger.

Feel the receptivity present in your body.

Trust the unfolding of your heart in your life.

You are woman. Creatress. Huntress.

There is Magic and Desire in you enough to births stars.

Beheld.

 

 

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