Single by choice or circumstance, know that love and connection is always available to us.
The sun the moon and the stars are still ours to orbit with.
The pull of the tides ours to travel on.
Keep your heart wide open your boundaries intact, your love clearly visible of all to see shining through our eyes.
Ours is a different story.
Sing your song with pride.
My love letter to Love
I promise you there will be not more dimming my light.
There will no more excuses of changing of minds at the last moment, you have been so patient.
There will be no more settling, no more ‘oh this will do love’ with a little l
There will be no more pretending and facades and hiding your light.
I will love fiercely.
I will love freely.
I will not pretend not to love to so as not to disturb someones comfort.
I will not throw love like a heavy weight designed to anchor and harm.
I will love not with out fear but with it, hand in hand and shine the light for fear to see.
Love, I will let you be boyant and wild and redemptive
Love I understand now that you don’t wait for the right time or the lighting to be correct,
You are the slow steady base line thrumming keeping time, the whistle saying ‘now’ take the leap, and get on with your beautiful life.
With you love there is the strength to find the way.
Love I choose you, with a big L.
I will listen to my heart intelligence, follow the bread crumbs and read the signs.
I will feel my feelings (and it wont always be pretty but they’re mine)
Then comes the whispers in the middle to the night of my gut, my primal intelligence, The Shakti that knowing that says ‘Yes’
Then and only then this beautiful mind of mine, for the logistics, the ‘how’ the how many hammers will I need to build this house?
Do I want a house built on a big L or a little one?
The big L will not be huffed and puffed down, will not tumble when someone chooses to leave or when that deal falls through.
I choose love darling heart.
With every fibre of my being and my choosing has shown me the truth.
That love has been with me all along.
I chose love with a big L.
Whose with me?!
Its been tough.
Its been amazing .
Life has taken you to your edge more than you ever thought possible, the thoughts dreams hopes and fantasies of your youth got gritty and edgy and dirty and you thought and prayed on more than one occasion “Fuq I hope I get through this.”
Yet on the outside you looked for all the world like a woman coping with amazing adversity with grace poise and determination. The option of collapse just wasn’t on the cards there was too much riding on your success.
And even while people complemented you on your ability to get the job done, at home on your own you doubted your very ability to get up and do it all again the next morning.
You read books on self help Echart Toile and Brené Brown have been your bedtime companions, you bought yourself flowers, walked the dog fed your kids and kept the toilet paper stocked up. And Did. It all. Again. The next day.
You were hungry, you still are hungry, craving a desire for nourishment deep in your bones deep in your very soul that wakes you up every day, eyes on the horizon putting one foot in front of the other.
You gratitude prayer is your mantra, its your daily bread and butter whilst you put together that proposal and dream up the next step of your evolution.
Its been tough but the light is getting brighter, YOUR light is getting brighter.But hell it would be great to not have to do it all on your own.
A tribe, A team that has been there too. Has been there in the dark as you watched all that you knew and love vanish and yet you still drew breath.
You danced you swam, you made some very questionable decisions, repeatedly!
You learnt you experience you picked yourself up and fell down another rabbit hole!
Your not happy with the status quo, the mundane you can deal with but settling isn’t part of your vocabulary. Its not that you want lots of attention and ego stroking, just to give yourself the permission to fucking BE all that you are, permission to speak your truth and live your dharma, the role, the story, the magic that only you dear woman can sing into this world. I hear you!
The peak of your youth is just behind you, but you have never felt more at home in your body, more quietly confident, the fire in you is rising, the magic, the sex the power that is yours and only yours is simmering almost ready, you feel it yes?
I’m calling out to you women, high and low, good god I’d love to meet you how I’d love to have you on my team and share my story with you.
To sit around this virtual fireside and support each other and journey together that is my wish, is my heartfelt spiritual directive.
In ancient times we had a place, a collective and a space to weave and share and dream and birth our stories in this world. To laugh and be deliciously wicked and wild. Dear one this is such a space. Come sit and play and laugh and heal.
Healing that will set your world on fire.
From the archives is the post all about the Po. The alchemical spirit of the lungs and how we can incorporate this ancient wisdom of the most primal aspect of ourselves into our modern worlds .
I have all these incredibly intellectual ideas and theories to share on the soma; the physical body, and its responses and how the Po is an expression of the innate wisdom of our cellular bodies. And I”m sure I’ll get to that at some point… there is an endless amount of information I can share from this elemental point of view.
What I am really feeling tonight when I think about the Po is the gentrification of the body and the senses and how thats effecting our health and our relationship with our bodies wellness. Oh is that all… the ‘gentrification’ of the body!!
The Po is experienced through our senses, taste, texture, scent, sight. Its the automatic functions of our bodies like breathing and peristalsis (digestion). Its experienced in that space between our skin (our awareness of where we start and stop) and the outside world. Its the animalistic aspects of our functioning bodies and our psyche.
Its all the bits we have no control over yet constantly inform our likes dislikes and urges.
And as highly functioning modern upright people, we have a few issues with these urges and tastes don’t we? ( This is where the gentrification bit come in ) Our minds and intellect, and our hearts and dreams would have us operating from an almost utopian platform. We have been culturally disciplined to detach and suppress the so called less attractive aspects of our bodies and minds. There is much that still today we wouldn’t dare discuss ‘in public’ . And yet much of these taboo subjects include basic bodily functions that are quite essential to our wellbeing and survival ( think poo and sex ).
So what happens when we suppress the Po and ignore the innate wisdom of our bodies and trust that connection between the body and the mind? Pain and ‘psychosomatic’ symptoms ranging from stress-related skin disorders, eating disorders and chronic undiagnosable pain.
Our bodies only ‘language’ is our nervous system and its through this system that it will try and get its messages across to us. They sound something like this.
“Hey, you up there! ” (patient pause for response) “Hey! We don’t think you should be eating that… (another patient pause) HEY!!!! (huddle together for a brain storm) I know, we’ll create some pain, that’ll do it. (patient pause) Damn it they just took a pain killer….. hmmmm Ok Ok I’ve got it, some red skin that always gets them ok GO!
Ok so this isn’t exactly scientific but you get my point. The bodies wisdom; the innate cellular wisdom, that gut feeling, intuition, or a ‘sense of knowing’, does actually need to be heard occasionally! Or, quite simply there are consequences. Now this doesn’t mean that we have to go all primal and throw out all the other functions. The other spirits have their place.
Ideally they work together. Depending on our own make up and our cultural learnings some are going to be more easily integrated than others. Myself, I live in this visceral world of experiencing life through the Po. I probably give this spirit way too much free rein! What does that look like?
Senses, texture and environment are paramount to the Metal element. There are always scented candles burning and fresh flowers and my house has always been full of animals (lets not mention the bats here ok). I work physically with peoples bodies. I have a bathroom full of more oil and lotions than any one body is ever going to be able to absorb and I spend almost more time in the ocean than on dry land. In winter this is replaced by the bath tub (Tonights blog is proudly bought to you by Embody Bath Salts). Textured cushions, natural fibres, LOTS of colour, really I could go on and on. If this sounds like you and your saying, well thats every modern woman surely, I’ll tell you sadly this is not so.
This genuine external expression of the Po is matched with an internal nourishment and respect of that animal instinct. The ability to ‘check in’ with our bodies and interpret its metaphorical language. This I believe is becoming quite a rare ability as we seek to cover up, pretty up and medicate the aspects of ourselves that we don’t like, don’t ‘fit’ or are fearful of. To bring that full circle and back to the bodies I spend my day working with, this results in disharmony. Disharmony of mind and body expressing its self in pain and inflammation of increasing severity.
As I read this I realise this really is my primary function with my treatments. To work as an interpreter for the body and to translate the pain and inflammation that my clients are experiencing so they might heal themselves. What can you do to nourish your Po? Well, any of the above is great, experiencing your senses, in what ever way is fun for you. (You don’t have to turn it into the extreme sport as I tend to do)
One of the easiest ways is to simply ‘check in’ with you body. When I think this or eat this how do I feel? more or less calm? more or less tight in my shoulders? BREATHE! yep just slowly calmly breathe. You’ll be surprised to find just how often your holding your breathe.
To finish off, here is a quote from one of my favourite books “Five Spirits” that so beautifully articulates the place I wish to take my practice.
By Lorie Eve Dechar. Lantern Books 2006
“When the acupuncture needle penetrates the surface of the skin, there is a moment of silence, an emptiness, a wondering and not knowing. When the metal needle meets the living body, there is a silence, a pause …before the tiny whirlwind spins and the qi redirects its course. For thousands of years, the intentions of healers and patients have met in that single breathless emptiness, that turning point of the soul that is the moment of transformation.
Perhaps, as we open to another form of consciousness, the present silence of our world will become that empty turning point, that breathless moment of change. Perhaps, if one by one we humans reclaim our vision of a living cosmos imbued with intention and intelligence and illuminated by wisdom, we will become like ten thousand silver needles penetrating and healing the body of the earth. Then perhaps , through healing our planet, we will heal ourselves and hear again the songs that the stones of the earth are singing to the clouds of heaven .”
Ah Yes! The good ol’ a picture tells a 1000 words!
The 5 elements that I have been banging on about for practically ever work together in this 5 pointed star type arrangement. If you follow around the circle in a clockwise direction you get the nourishing cycle. This is how things work in harmony. You can simplify it if you put it into terms of what would happen in nature. For example we need water to nourish new plants (wood) so there can be growth and then in turn those trees feed fires… and on it goes around.
The star cycle that criss crosses shows us how things are kept in check. Keeping it simple as I can metal ‘controls’ wood….(metal chops down trees) makes a bit of sense right? It does get a little bit trickier when we bring the organs in, especially knowing how complex their functioning is from a western point of view, let alone Chinese Philosophy!
But keeping it simple… you know how I love to keep things simple, an example would be when we eat lots of cold forming foods, e.g. dairy and our digestion doesn’t process this effectively the Earth function of transforming our foods into fuel we can use diminishes. This affects his friend the Metal element (next in line) resulting in a build up of phlegm in the lungs, skin issues or constipation…….. kinda making sense Yes? Think children with allergies resulting in rashes.
So here we have a super fun chart of all the stuff that can go wrong when the energy is going in the opposite direction! In this picture we are looking at what happens when our negative thoughts and emotions start to get away with us!
Earlier on in this blog I talked about how our Qi (energy/ fuel) follows our Yi (thoughts/ concentration). This theory works in regards to all our mental / emotional experiences as wherever we are placing our focus and attention our energy will go. So when we experience an excess of any emotion this begins to tax the correlating organ and can set up, in long term situations, real physical pathology.
Now, I’m not one to want to bum out my readers so I’m going to turn this little chart into a silver lining. When we understand the very real interactions of these emotions and the physiological effects they are having on us we can begin to see and slowly master what we need to do in order to regulate these feelings that are not always super helpful.
I’m not saying here for a second the emotions are not an essential and necessary part of our biological vocabulary, but sometimes for a whole range of reasons real and imaginary we can get stuck in one or two of them, long after the correlating situation is long gone. Challenging situations in life can also be ongoing and without some way of managing our emotional responses these situations can and do often get on top of us.
My favourite example to explain this is by looking at the liver and the lungs.
The Liver is damaged by anger and frustration, or conversely an unhealthy liver ( one fed with chips, refined sugar and alcohol for e.g.) creates the emotional state of anger and frustration. Either way over a prolonged period of time this unhappy liver consumes more energy than can be created by its pal the kidneys and the water element and this sets up the right conditions for fear to become the predominate emotional state.
As a side note this also very simply explains how some recreational drugs damage the liver and set up the conditions required for paranoia and other fear based behaviours.
Anyway I digress…. Where do we look to balance and mediate this grumpy liver syndrome? Across the way to the lungs of course! The lungs positioned where they are above the diaphragm and above the liver on the right hand side are in the perfect spot to massage the Liver into a much better frame of mind. Slow deep breathing, gentle exercise or yoga is the ideal way to nourish this controlling cycle and re create balance in the five elements. Now I have to admit a grumpy person is not as likely to respond so well to …. darling do some downward dog…… but maybe a house rule of “walk off the grump” is a good idea?
The elements all work in their own way to regulate their counterpart;
The liver with its decisiveness and ability to create strong boundaries steps in when the the earth elements tendency to worry and obsess gets out of hand. The water element cools the fire of impatience with humility, this might be in the form of increased hydration or extra sleep, I mean, how hot headed are we when we’re over tired?
The stillness and meditative qualities of the spleen are helpful when managing an over worked water element. Remember this relates to will power and our adrenals. Each has its place and role in maintaing our overall emotional health, which in turn helps create our physical health and visa versa.
Keep this in mind next time you find yourself stuck in the rut of the same old emotional story running around our minds. Let the emotion move thorough you, and do what you can to support yourself.
(And feel free to let me know if any of this makes sense or if I need to do a little more explaining! )
I have been sitting on this post for a long time. About a year actually. Its taken that long for me to be really sure there was a necessary message here and that I wasn’t coming from a reactive place, because for a long time I was. You see this is a pretty personal post, but one after a lot of deliberation I really want to share.
I woke up one day last year, to find myself in an abusive relationship. There, I said it. Done.
The tricky thing is that I wasn’t just in one abusive relationship. I was in two. One with the man I was with and one with myself. I’ll let you sit with this for a moment because its an important thing to understand, that one couldn’t happen without the other. This has nothing to do with blame or fault or making things that aren’t ok, ok. Its about knowing what kind of environment things need to grow in.
Let me give you a bit of a back story to this monumental day in my life, the day I set myself free from a lifetimes belief that bound me to thinking small, dreaming small and keeping myself playing small when in relationships… which is to say, all the time, forever since the beginning of time!
I’m not great at being in a relationship and taking care of myself… out of respect for your boredom and the people involved lets just let that sit as a happy generalisation. (No one got hurt in the making of that generalisation so we’re going to run with it)
But what I learnt that day is that I had been hard wired somehow to believe that within an intimate relationship I needed to play small, keep quiet, and restrict my fabulosity….to get my basic needs met.
Now just sit still for another sec and let that sink in….because it’s bloody ouchy yes?
Yes it is.
How had this happened? Where had this come from?
Well I’m not alone here I know but once again for the respect of all involved lets just say my childhood was a little tricky.
Its was also loving and wonderful, and awkward and dreadful but right now we’re talking about the tricky stuff ok? Stick with me!
One of the things I have retrospectively understood is that children growing up in abusive environments learn to make a whole bunch of stuff that isn’t ok .. ok. Your a kid, someone else provides a roof over your head and puts food on the table and presents under the xmas tree. All these things and the stuff that isn’t ok are somehow linked in your child mind so you just make it ALL ok…. its the reality.
You learn real quick that to keep quiet, make it all ok and keep the peace is a really important skill and all this is linked to getting some basic needs met, and being loved…. thats also a really basic need BTW!
Gawd that’s heavy right?!!
Now many years later as a grown woman running her own business I’ve been busy working out how to ‘attract wealth’ and ‘manifest abundance’ …. you get the picture. For the first time instead of doing all the usual woo woo, om shanti courses I know and love…. I started taking some more mainstream business courses.
Now to say that I had some resistance to this is a MASSIVE understatement! But where there is resistance there is juice… so off I trotted. It turns out the bunch of people I was to do these courses with knew a thing or two, but still…. there was resistance.
So back to the day of my aha moment.
Here I was noticing all this resistance to working through my stuff. To learning new ways to run my business and attract abundance in all its forms. I was also living in what I now affectionately call Fear Soup.
This unhealthy relationship I was in brought to my attention that I REALLY avoid at all costs ANYTHING (in relationships) that feels uncomfortable and will twist myself into all manner of pretzel shapes to avoid being in that uncomfortable situation. This usually includes playing small, ‘keeping nice’ and experiencing what ever unacceptable behaviour comes my way to keep the peace.
Now as anyone with any experience in ‘woo woo ‘ practices will know, that until you GET the lesson, the universe will keep sending you a bigger and louder version of the lesson you are refusing to see.
So I continued to live in Fear Soup and the incidents of scary totally not ok behaviour escalated and my abusive relationship with myself continued.
Let me be really clear here that by referring to my relationship with myself I am not making anything that isn’t ok ok.
If your reading this and your in an unsafe situation
and there are things happening in your life that your not ok with.
Then they are NOT ok.
For me in writing this and recognising the internal environment that I had going on lets me step away from the duality of victim and perpetrator. I’m not interested in that model at all. AT ALL. By acknowledging my beliefs and experiences I get to be self empowered and thats a pretty big deal.
So things finally got to the point where I was so emotionally uncomfortable that I had no where else to go but to feel the discomfort I was in. I remember that I could barely even sit still. I couldn’t meditate, I couldn’t write. I had numbed out totally in a bid to avoid feeling what was going on for me and what was getting louder and more obviously not ok in my relationship.
Then one day there was no where else to run and the discomfort of not feeling was suddenly more uncomfortable than feeling. So finally I just sat with being very uncomfortable and scared and not knowing….. and I didn’t even have to do it for very long until…. Shazam!
I uncovered that little gem of a belief that says its ok to be treated like crap and to play small as long as someone says they love you and are going to provide for you. This had lived in my brain for all these years kept ‘safe’ by the fact that I was never going to go near it as it was so damn uncomfortable! You starting to see how this all works? How these beliefs protect themselves, yes?
I saw very clearly why I would have been attracted to this particular relationship and that truly the only way for me to uncover this limiting belief was to blow it up nice and large with surround sound so I would see it for what it is.
Money, safety, self worth and the belief that I am enough and worthy of love free of charge with no catch with no need to fix, salvage, or experience abuse are all wrapped up in one rather warped little package….. or I should say WERE wrapped up.
So now this is a pretty damn big deal…. I mean a really big deal, this I think truly was the most freeing moment of my life, no kidding. Whilst its all very fabulous to broadcast ones AHA moments on the interweb for the entire planet to witness I’m not really that much of an extrovert and this is a REALLY sensitive topic. As I said earlier I have sat on this post for a long time and its continued to blink at me, waiting for the time to be right, why? Well I think its because as women in business heck as women full stop we need to be having more open conversations like this. Conversations with more options available to us other than, victim and perpetrator.
As a woman I am by no means alone in these links, assumptions and beliefs, and so long as they are running unchecked in your subconscious (my/our subconscious)…. they are running the show, THE. WHOLE. SHOW. setting the bar for how much your going to be valued (regardless of how many attract wealth courses you do) and how well your going to be treated, by yourself as well as others.
I have conversations around these topics all the time with my coaching clients, because to truly shine and be all of you unrestricted by these beliefs we need to go digging a little. Not all the time. Not until your ready.
Another push to publish this post was a reading a blog from a new author @KateNorthrup. I have inhaled with delight her first book #moneyalovestory. Its just divine. In it she talks about these sorts of associations we have with money and self worth and the physical symptoms that can show up and certainly did for me. It was a bittersweet moment of validation as a I read her book and in it the whispered words of encouragement … share your story, it has value…..
For me there is a very large space now that needs to be filled with healthy values about self respect and self love and self worth that will set the tone for all transactions and currencies in my future. Within relationships, work settings, heavens even the pricing on the content of my work hinges on these beliefs.
Before we can go setting the new programs, we have to dig deep, we have to be prepared to sit still in the uncomfortable places with ourselves and reveal whats underlying our experiences that is helping to create such a dysfunctional reality. (Be that the bullying boss the abusive spouse or financial situation that despite ‘all the right things’ just isn’t budging )
So my situation eventually improved. I managed to extricate myself out of the relationship I was in. None too gracefully I might add! I didn’t talk about it for quite some time. For those people who weren’t in my closest Goddess Circle who knew the situation, it looked like I was walking away from the perfect relationship. Thats how these things work. But now a year down the track, I comfort myself with the understanding that on a soul level we had an agreement. That he would treat me is such an appalling way so I would learn the most important lesson of my life. Thats how I see it now. Trust is slow to rebuild. Those synapses are slow to transform, but I’m getting there. And so will you gorgeous reader. I know you will. Be brave, be bold. Value yourself ok, ’cause your so damn loveable. Yes you are!